Mother of a Man-Child

My life with teenage boys

Seasoned campers? September 21, 2012

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toilet paperIt’s that time of year again – when schools arrange for the kids to head off on various camps, just ahead of the school holidays.  As so little academic work really gets done in the last week of every term (let’s be honest), it makes a lot of sense to me.

So it is that the men-children have headed off on yet another camp.  We have had outdoor education camps, cadet camps, rowing camps, well-being camps and summer camps amongst others.  Each camp challenging, enjoyable, and contributing to the boys’ sense of independence, sense of self and maturity.

This camp is for their selected outdoor activity.  With so many activities on offer, there are a large number of camps throughout the year with small groups of boys.  So out of all the activities and all the camps, my two somehow end up on the same camp of just 12 boys kayaking.  Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s fantastic they are kayaking – it’s a challenging sport, and as rowers they seem to be very well suited to it.  They love the physical challenge of the rapids and of course the camping in the bush.  But how is it that out of 250 boys, the men-children again find themselves thrown together.  When I discovered they were both on the camp together, I did have a chuckle, and asked if they were planning on sharing a tent?  (Trust me, they would rather each endure frostbite than share a tent together).

So apart from establishing that they had organised very quickly their respective tent buddies, they were then left to sort all the gear out themselves.  Being teenage boys, it took several nights of nagging to finally get them to THINK about what they needed and do some advance planning/organising.  Along with several threats of “I won’t be driving around the night before you go, picking up camping gear or shopping for you” (mmm, hold that thought)!

True to form, one was pretty organised, prompting me to go shopping, equipped with his list, booking camping stoves, borrowing gear, etc.  His brother was the exact opposite, having lost his list the day he was given it, and forever after blaming everyone else for “throwing it out”.   My guess is he finally found it buried under the pile of shit that’s been living on his bedroom floor for the last few weeks, and which I insisted he clean up before heading away for four days (under threat that I would otherwise throw every last bit of it out) but he’s not going to admit that is he?

When it was suggested he who lets everyone else worry for him, and organise him, actually pick up the camp stoves after school the day before camp, he made a million excuses.  Suddenly he was very busy with a haircut and even a detention!  Simple answer to that – either you pick up the stoves or don’t bother going on the camp!  Guess what – he managed to leave school early (not happy), suddenly having no detentions, and picked up the stoves.  A minor victory!  Short-lived, as we then endured the morning of departure with him still running around packing last minute items including cutlery and plates (generally useful when camping) and a double bed sheet.  Most people would take a sleeping bag and camp mattress.  No, this man-child convinced the camp leader that he could bring the double mattress from the fold-up couch to place inside the tent for him and his camping buddy – with every intention of living in relative luxury for four days.  Amazing!

As for the food supplies it was the usual boy camp food.  Tinned tuna, tinned chicken, bread, dehydrated pasta and rice meals, cereal and milk powder, along with snacks and a slab of Sunkist.   One was literally happy to live on 2 minute noodles with virtually no protein at all, but I convinced him that wasn’t going to sustain him for long with the physical exercise he was planning during the camp.

So camping they are.  Enjoying the great outdoors, doing without the luxuries of home, no shower for four days, a basic drop toilet, no electricity, no TV, internet, Facebook or mobile phones.  Back to nature, bonding with mates (even one’s twin brother?), learning to kayak the wildest rapids, and having an absolute ball.

Having seen my men-children enjoy their camps so much every year, I wish they had actually attended a school that included at least a term or a year off-campus at a separate rural facility.  I really believe it is good for adolescents to have some time away from home, and to learn basic life skills and self-sufficiency.  Somewhere their mother can’t do everything for them, and molly-coddle them (okay, I admit it).  Speaking of which, I just remembered that I didn’t remind either of them to take loo paper for the drop toilet.  Oh well, they will just have to borrow some or go without!  A good lesson for all of us. 🙂

I have written about the joys of the men-children camping before: A bit on the nose after camp & Freezing on cadet camp.

 

Men (children) at Work!!! September 14, 2012

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working menSometimes an opportunity presents itself that is just perfect for everyone involved.  My sister (aunt of the men-children) is just undertaking a major landscaping project at her home.  It’s the works – complete gutting of the backyard, removal of all trees, plants, out-buildings, concrete slabs (literally back to dirt), and then starting again, with a new shed/studio, trees, paths, lawn, vegie patch etc.

As she contemplated the enormity of the job they had undertaken recently, which like all good couples they are largely doing themselves (occasionally “assisted” by a 3-year-old of course), it occurred to me that I had two potential workers to offer her.  Who better to employ than the men-children?  Both currently unemployed as you know, just at the end of their AFL and Rugby seasons, and pre rowing season, with spare weekends and a desire for cash.  Perfect!  The upside for my sister – the cheapest labour you can get (at $10/hour plus meat pies and Coke), and non-union to boot!

So off they went last weekend for their first shift of labouring.  Dressed just like a couple of “tradies”, raring to go.  Now if the truth be known I am not sure what my sister and brother-in-law expected, although I suspect they thought they might be a bit soft, and/or slack (in keeping with the “private school boy” image).  The reality was something quite different.  They both jumped straight into the work, and achieved a huge amount over a six-hour period.  It has to be said, which 16-year-old boy wouldn’t enjoy belting the crap out of an old timber floor, wielding an axe, chopping down trees etc.  They did a good enough job to be invited back this weekend.  They were even complimented on their work ethic, and one on his very practical approach on the day, the latter for the aspiring “tradie” who is keen to leave school to pursue a career in building.  I was quietly chuffed to hear this.

So home they came, with their earnings, dirty and sweaty but satisfied.  They were thrilled to have the money to spend that night (I think “Dan” was the recipient of some of it), we were thrilled not to have to fund their social life for a change, and my sister and brother-in-law were thrilled to have broken the back of the clean up stage.  A veritable trifecta of happiness.

This project should see them out to the end of the school holidays, and then we’re back into sporting commitments.  I have already offered their services to another friend who is building a new house, and of course will have a large DIY landscaping job at the end of it.  Enquiries for future work welcome, but if I get them too many gigs I will have to look at taking a commission!!

I have written about each of their previous employment “opportunities”: Pyramid Selling and Burger Joint.

 

Daring to have “pre’s”! September 7, 2012

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party streamersRecently the boys made a rare request to host a “gathering” at our house. Not a party, but a “gathering”. If you have kept up to date with all my glossaries of teenage speak, you will know this is a small group of adolescents, gathered together for a social occasion, most definitely NOT a party (or so they will have you believe). This particular gathering was even more specific, in so far as it was actually for “pre’s” (again refer the glossary for the definition, but it’s what we knew as pre-party drinks).

The boys have not actually asked to host pre’s before, or even a gathering. I suspect it’s because they have what they would call the “world’s strictest parents”, and they just didn’t feel it was going to be considered, or they were too embarrassed to even have people here? Whatever the reason, it transpired that there was a party on in our neighbourhood that they were both invited to (in itself a rare event given their diverse circles of friends) and it was opportune to stop in for an hour or so for some pre-party drinks.

Now savvy Australian readers of my blog will know that to host a party and serve alcohol to under-age teenagers actually requires parental permission or the risk of a fine. You may well pass judgement on us, but we did allow our boys to host “pre’s” for a couple of hours at our home. For the record it was strictly BYO, we didn’t supply it to them. The party they were going to was also allowing them to all take in alcohol in “limited” quantities. So where would we rather they consume the alcohol? Certainly here is preferable to the local park (sound familiar)? And the advantage of hosting it was offering to supply food to the small number of attendees – there-in filling their stomachs and soaking up some of the alcohol. 🙂

The plan was naturally for Mother of a Man-Child, Father of a Man-Child and Sister of a Man-Child to make themselves extremely scarce, freeing up the family room as party central. One of the men-children not so subtly convinced me that the room needed to be de-cluttered (interpretation – can we remove all of 9-year-old Sister of a Man-Child’s artwork and toys from the room?). I explained that none of his friends would even notice it, but also agreed that we could remove it temporarily – it’s important when you’re a teenager to fit in remember. This stuff counts to some of them. His twin brother, being the exact opposite, was so laid back about the gathering he turned up 30 mins after all his friends and didn’t care where in the house they all gathered!!!

Suffice to say the pre’s were deemed successful. They all seemed to have a great time, and weren’t phased by the occasional presence of us in the kitchen. Sister of a Man-Child was adored by the teenage girls (“she’s so cute”), and Father of a Man-Child couldn’t resist talking to the pretty fillies, dressed up in fancy dress with plenty of bare flesh on display. He seemed to win a few fans himself! I played caterer and taxi driver to ensure they all made it to the party safely. And we notched up yet another milestone with our boys.

So, did we do the wrong thing? Certainly according to the law, we did. But with boys who are now old enough to drive a car, and boys who we know drink alcohol, are we just accepting that they are growing up? I guess it’s each to his own, for both parents and kids. I know some of my friends’ kids have less active social lives than my boys. Lucky them I say – there’s no rush to be an adult. But for us, this felt okay to do, and we made a decision and used our best judgement. And that’s what being a parent is, feeling your way every day, and facing new challenges with the breaking of every dawn. Sometimes it’s nice to see dusk trust me!

For the record, we have said no before, when one asked to host “pre’s” before the Spring Carnival races one year. Not on your nelly was the reply and for very good reason!!!! Read about it here.

 

Glossary of teenage speak: Part IV August 31, 2012

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dictionaryIt’s been quite a while since my last glossary instalment.  For those who want to understand what teenagers are actually talking about, read on.

Not surprisingly, most of the current glossary terms revolve around the things that occupy the lives of 16-year-old boys – their social life outside of school, and it would appear the list of vices that accompany that life!!!

  • “Chons” = punch-ons.  As in fisty-cuffs, fighting.  The stuff my boys do to each other most nights.
  • “Deck” = pack of cigarettes.  If they can’t afford them they smoke rollies apparently.
  • “Darts” = cigarettes.  Interestingly, we called them darts when I was younger too.
  • “Dope” = cool.  Apparently this was around years ago, but it’s only recently surfaced with my boys, now they’re teenagers, so it was new to me.  I suppose I should be thankful it’s not the real dope, otherwise known as “bud”.

Then we hit the alcohol:

  • “Pre’s” = pre-party drinks.  We called it a “pre-party” in my day, especially before formals; they have just shortened it further to “pre’s”.
  • “Frothies” = beers.  Pretty self-explanatory!
  • “Goon” = cask wine.  Apparently the drink of choice amongst many girls, because it’s cheap of course!
  • “Straight” = spirits.
  • “Jimmies” = Jim Beam (definitely a popular choice amongst the boys along with Coca Cola).   I am very familiar with this – the dishwasher recently had six glasses neatly lined up after we’d been away for the night, and one of the men-children had stayed at home.  The Jim Beam and Coke remnants were a tell-tale sign he had hosted “Pre’s” (see above).

And then the random and bizarre:

  • “Gacked” = drug-F-ed, but loosely also used to mean hammered.  Commonly heard as “We’re getting gacked”, and they assure me for the latter not the former.
  • “Rawt” = steal.  So apparently you might hear someone say “Went for a rawt at Bunnings”!!  I damn well hope that’s not my boys.

If you feel you need further education, you can read my earlier glossary instalments here: Glossary Part II and Part III.  And my first post on the subject: Deciphering Man-Child Language.

And if you have any gems to add to the list, please drop me a line.  🙂

 

Willing workers! August 24, 2012

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filingLast school holidays the boys were lucky enough to get a couple of days work at my employer. It was not at all planned, just fortuitous that someone asked if the men-children would be interested in a few days casual work over the holidays. And subject to an acceptable hourly rate (like they were in a position to negotiate) and suitable days that worked in with their busy social lives (again, let’s not be difficult), they gladly accepted the offer.

Yes a reminder to all they are both still UNEMPLOYED!!! Not by choice on anyone’s part although I suspect one has stopped really looking for a job….and the other has found one which we won’t allow so he has us over a barrel. Nevertheless, I remind them every time we provide a handout that they DO need to find a job. And I remind them again every time they whinge when I ask for a chore to be completed in exchange for said handout. It’s relentless really.

As an aside, have you ever seen the way a teenage boy hangs out a load of washing? There is no method. Whichever order they pull it out of the washing machine is the same order they throw it over the clothes-horse. And I mean throw! Clearly they have no idea what a coat-hanger was invented for, as I invariably find all the shirts thrown on the line, not hanging……seriously, are they really that stupid, or are they employing the age-old trick of burning the first thing you ever cook so you’ll never be asked to do it again? Probably. 🙂 And it kind of works, because I practically re-hang all the washing after they’ve attempted to do it. I mean if their school shirts don’t drip dry on a coat-hanger then they end up extra, extra wrinkled, which is no good if the ironing lady hasn’t been, because they don’t get ironed otherwise. And then they go off to school looking like they’ve slept in their school uniforms for a week. (Actually one manages this look every day even if his clothes are all pressed).

Anyway, back to their short-term employment. We organised which days they would attend, which meant coming with me in the car to the office and home again. And getting up before midday! Luckily there was an immediate upside for both – extra hours on the L-plates, so no complaints there. As I take my lunch to work every day (I am so glad this culture now exists universally), I explained to them that they too could take their lunch, or pay for it with their “wages”. I told them I refused to fund their meals, when they were earning money, and that what was good enough for me and all my colleagues was also good enough for them. We did make a supermarket stop to load up on snacks, treats, drinks etc to keep them going throughout the day, but that’s just pantry filling in another guise.

Naturally they were quick to embrace the “freebies” provided at the office, the usual tea, coffee, biscuits etc. Before they had even started their working day they were wolfing down a glass of Milo each and a couple of biscuits. It reminded me of the time they first came into Qantas Club with me. You would have thought they’d never had Coca Cola before they way they drank out of the pre-mix machine. If they could have tapped it straight into their mouths they would have. It was hysterical and embarrassing at the same time (although I did just pretend I had no idea whose children they were).

To the men-children’s credit they put in a couple of good days work. They didn’t complain about the drudgery of the tasks they were asked to do (electronic filing, photocopying, tear sheets etc), they worked diligently, knocking off the set tasks in good time, and they remembered their manners. As an employer you couldn’t ask for more than that. Occasionally whilst working they did found time to argue with each other, as they tend to do….to be honest they sounded just like a couple of old men who have nothing better to do than throw barbs at each other all day as they sit and watch the world go by. I swear if they both live to 90 this scene may well repeat itself.

As a mother, I couldn’t ask for more than the compliments they both received from my colleagues in the days that followed. All parents know, regardless of what little shits they can be at home, if they know how to behave in “company”, that’s all that matters.

So would they do it again? Yep. Would the company have them back? Yep. That’s a good start isn’t it? Filling their days AND making money over the holidays has benefits for everyone. 🙂

You can read about their previous employment-seeking exploits here: Man-child I was convinced to try “pyramid-selling”, and Man-child II wanted to work selling burgers midnight to dawn to drunks!

 

School memories (30 years on) August 17, 2012

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sacre coeur bannerAs you know, the men-children are fast approaching the “pointy end” of their education. They are on the cusp of making decisions that will shape their future study and career paths, including one of the boys potentially leaving school at the end of Year 10 to pursue trade studies at TAFE and an apprenticeship.

My own recent school reunion gives me occasion to reflect on how the boys will feel about their time at school in years to come? Will they remember school fondly? Will they keep some school friends for life? Will they willingly return when the school organises functions for old boys? Or will they have regrets and/or fears and choose to stay away?

Last weekend I was delighted to join 46 of my school friends for a reunion to mark 30 years since we departed the hallowed halls of our all girls’ school. Whilst I loved the fact that we were holding yet another reunion (our year level seems to have maintained the tradition very well), I admit some reluctance to tell everyone it was THIRTY years since I actually left school!!! Yes, it was 1982, and yes that would mean I am in my “mid” 40’s (please, I can’t say “late” 40’s just yet).

After much stalking on Facebook, and chasing via old postal and/or email addresses, and using every connection we had, we were absolutely thrilled to have 47 girls attend out of approx. 60 girls from our year level. We even had a couple of international guests fly in, and many interstaters also, which only served to heighten the success of the event and make it even more memorable.

One of the great initiatives for this reunion was using Facebook in the lead up to the event, with an ever-expanding circle of girls all reconnecting over the last six months. Stories were shared, photos were posted, laughs were had, news was spread, all before we even got to the event. The excitement was palpable within the group as the big day arrived. For those who couldn’t attend, Facebook provided them with the opportunity to connect to the group and share in the catch-ups, albeit remotely. And since the event, the group has expanded further, so we can stay in touch with each other in years to come.

Someone asked me if Facebook was the key to the success of the reunion? We had expected 30 girls to attend, with any more considered a bonus. The fact that we got 47 to the event was wonderful, and I think more a testimony to the wonderful memories we all had from school, and the chance to reminisce and share it all once more. I also think in our 40’s that most of us are pretty settled and happy with our lives, and the insecurities one might have when you are younger are diminished somewhat. And there was definitely a feeling that it was timely to come together too. We had sadly had two of our friends pass away in the last 12 months, which made it even more important to get together and celebrate our friendships.

It must be said the evening was a huge success, from the moment the girls arrived at the school to the last drinks at the pub (and then some)!! There were a few very nervous attendees, who were quickly embraced by all and promptly handed a glass of champagne, and a few almost unrecognisable faces, although not for long. Above all else, we were the same bunch of school girls all grown into wonderful, strong, amazing women, with an incredible sense of school spirit and self-worth. The tour of the school bought back floods of memories for all of us, enveloping us with warmth and comfort just like a favourite jumper.

I will admit I absolutely loved my years at school, and I have loved every school reunion since then (perhaps that’s also why I love helping to organise them). I hope my men-children and their sister have the same fond memories of school in the years to come, and enjoy returning to their respective schools for their reunions. Above all, I hope they are lucky enough to be blessed as I am, with a handful of school friends still counted in my closest circle of friends, some 37 years after we first met, and a wider group of school friends that I still see on a regular basis.

I have no doubt the spirits of the nuns that founded our school would have delighted in the sounds of joy and friendship that echoed throughout the school on that recent evening, knowing that the legacy of Cor Unum (one heart) was as strong as ever.

Have you attended a school reunion?  Did you love it?  Or swear you’d never attend another?

 

Evaporating alcohol supplies? August 10, 2012

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vodkaLike the average Australian household, we have a range of alcohol in our home.  Always a supply of beer and wine in the grog fridge in the shed (very Aussie I know), as well as an assortment of spirits, some bought purely for that dessert recipe that required brandy, or sherry for an Asian marinade, but most as duty-free gifts from visiting friends or relatives.

As a result we seemed to have an endless supply of unopened bottles of gin and vodka in the fridge.  It’s not that we don’t drink it, but for some reason it seems to be our preferred drink of choice when we go on holidays, not at home.  Who doesn’t love a G&T or Bloody Mary when you’re on holidays and the late afternoon cocktail hour comes around (okay, so sometimes cocktail hour starts at midday on holidays, but who’s watching the time anyway)?  It’s almost anathema to have a holiday without one.

So at home, the bottles of gin and vodka sit unloved for most of the time, alongside the ever replenished supply of beer and wine.  Well at least we thought they were unloved, until recently!!  Father of a Man-Child must have been doing a fridge clean out (maybe making room for dinner party food and wine), and obviously noticed our unopened bottles looking a bit light on.  No doubt he considered a number of possibilities:

  • The alcohol has miraculously evaporated, even with the lid firmly on and sealed?
  • Mother of a Man-Child has turned into one of those awful alcoholics who necks vodka for breakfast (a possibility given teenagers living in the house)!
  • The Men-Children have discovered the untapped delights of Mum & Dad’s grog supply.

Now which option would you bet on????

Naturally, he approached the Men-Children, who both vehemently denied it the first time around.  When the trend continued, he approached them again.  One was adamant it wasn’t him, the other one, not quite so…….bingo, suspect identified.  He eventually admitted that his friends and he had on occasion helped themselves to a few pre-party slugs.  Don’t worry, his brother isn’t all innocence.  He was once caught with beers under the bed at the holiday house, and another time heard walking down the hallway “clinking”.

Whilst it’s not surprising that they have been into our supplies, it is surprising that they haven’t tried the age-old trick of adding water to the gin and vodka bottles so their “idiot parents” don’t even realise they have consumed any.  Or in the case of scotch, black tea of course.  I can imagine a little watered down gin or vodka might go unnoticed by the taste buds, but a scotch drinker would surely notice black tea?

Naturally, my parents were twice as smart when it came to checking if we had thought to do the same with their grog supply many years back.  They didn’t just mark the amount in the bottles so they could tell if anyone had been drinking it, my father turned the bottle upside down and then marked it, which meant we looked at it and thought, oh good, they’ve drunk past the line and forgotten to add a new mark, so we won’t be caught……Doh!!!!  (I can only assume he learned this trick from his father.  I suppose when you come from a long line of Catholics it’s no surprise is it?)

My parents’ smarts continued the time I took my mother’s car for a “joy-ride” to Portsea for the day, never even thinking my astute father would have checked the speedometer before they left for an outing.  I had permission to drive the car, but not on a 200km round trip!  The speedo coupled with my extremely sunburnt forehead from driving with the sunroof open on a hot summer’s day was a complete giveaway, but hey, it was worth it for the chance to be uber cool for a few hours! 🙂

So the upshot with the boys?  We didn’t empty all the bottles in front of them and say “there, that’s solved that problem” did we.  Certainly not, we don’t want to waste good alcohol, and one day we might want a G&T or Bloody Mary at home.  We just told them that it wasn’t theirs to drink, and please stop helping yourself to our supplies.  In other words – buy your own!!  We are not naive, teenagers of 16 years old drink, and have many ways to get their supplies.  We don’t ask how, as we simply would rather not know.

Tell me, what tricks did your parents use at home to stop their teenagers hopping into the family stash?   Of if you have children, have you decided to live like a monk and abstain from having alcohol in the house, or simply put a padlock on the grog fridge?

Read about the time I found beers under the bed.  New Years Eve at Portsea – 30 Years On.

 

We actually did miss the men-children! August 3, 2012

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Regular readers will know we recently ventured on a holiday without the men-children.  Our first taste of life without the boys for an extended period and also Sister of a Man-Child’s first taste of a holiday as an only child.  Let’s face it, it’s likely to happen more frequently not less in years to come.

It’s fair to say we all enjoyed the break, yes even the boys left at home and school.  We enjoyed a very relaxing holiday with only the demands of one child (and a pretty undemanding one at that) to satisfy.  Our daughter lapped up the undivided attention, although occasionally wished her brothers were in the pool playing with her (how quickly she forgets their tormenting).  And our sons enjoyed the company of their favourite “cool” uncle and aunt, the ones with no kids, who treat them like adults, and have taken them on fab holidays over the years.

I will admit to missing the boys – you always think of your kids when you’re travelling, enjoying something new or indulgent and thinking how much they would also enjoy it.  I know they would have loved the villa and the pool, and the cooked breakfast each morning.   As compensation, my daughter and I made a special trip to find the t-shirts they wanted (very, very particular brands for 16-year-old boys), with strict instructions about colours/stripes etc.  Thankfully my daughter seemed to be an excellent barometer of what the boys would and wouldn’t like.  She saved me from buying all the wonderful new bright colours in polos for summer that they would have absolutely hated.  As it was even with their guidelines, I still didn’t get it 100% right.

paul smith t-shirt When the first man-child walked in the door to find us at home, I was greeted with a hug and kiss and “how was the trip”.  OMG, I know, a lovely son greeting his mother. 🙂  Typically, he then dove into the bag to check the presents we had bought for him, and declared that half the expensive (by Bali standards) t-shirts were “gay” and what was I thinking!!!

Well, not surprisingly, I told him exactly what I was thinking.  Firstly, that he could put the t-shirts where the sun didn’t shine.  Secondly, that I wished we hadn’t bothered to spend so much time stressing about what t-shirts to get him at several different shops, and thirdly, that they actually met his brief.  I then declared that I would give them away to someone else and stormed off quite angry and upset.  It’s a bit like giving someone a lovely Xmas gift you’ve invested a lot of time buying, only to be told they think it’s horrid and can they take it back?  Only Bali’s a bit too far to go to exchange the colours isn’t it?  I received a similarly delightful greeting from his twin brother when he came home, thankfully without the carry on about the t-shirts.  He’s less fussy and his brief was far better!

I caught up with my twin sister who declared the boys had been absolutely delightful in our absence.  She struggled to even remember if they had fought.  She had helped them out with homework, and even been reasonable when she found one intentionally “late” so he would miss his English class.  The cool, calm head of a temporary (but excellent) parent.  She even commented about what lovely young men they were growing into, as exhibited at several family dinners in our absence.  Why are they always better for someone else?  Nevertheless, that is just what every parent wants to hear.  Naturally, within an hour of her departure both boys were fighting and we could hear the slamming of bodies upstairs as the household returned to its natural rhythm.  I swear, every night after we got home they seemed to fight, just to make us realise how nice our little break was!

So onto the next holiday, which will be WITH the boys.  It was nice to have the break, it was nice to miss them, and it was nice to come home, even to a fight or two.

PS. The “gay” t-shirts ended up in the cupboard – maybe not so bad after all? 

If you think we’re horrible, here’s the earlier discussion around our holiday plans and why we decided to leave the boys at home.  The Challenge of Happy Holidays for Everyone.  

 

My 8 year old has a Facebook account! July 13, 2012

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facebook logoYes, the headline is true, to a point.  She HAD a Facebook account, until I found out and shut it down faster than you can say “Sometimes I hate the internet and all it allows”.  The problem unfolded when I received a call from another Mum, letting me know that her daughter had mentioned Sister of a Man-Child now had a Facebook account.  Thankfully the Mum called me and let me know, as she was concerned that she would even have one, and rightfully so.  She also explained she’d expect me to do the same if the situation was reversed – and she was absolutely right.

To be honest I was pretty surprised to hear that our daughter had a Facebook account.  I actually think for the most part she’s a very mature young girl, and also highly trustworthy, so I was genuinely shocked to learn what I did.  So what happened next you ask?    Angry, scary Mummy walked right in to where she was on the computer (again) and asked her “Who set up your Facebook account?”   “Me” she said, looking absolutely terrified.  I immediately asked her for her access details and “deactivated” the account on the spot, with a very teary Sister of a Man-Child beside me.  She got even more upset when the damn password wouldn’t work and we had trouble even getting into the account and I got madder and madder at her and Facebook.  Interesting, they only “deactivate” you, and tell you they’ll be waiting patiently should you decide to come back.  You never get to really “delete” the thing, of course.  So there’s her “signature” already on Facebook just waiting for her when she’s actually old enough to use it.

I asked her how she got around the age issue, and she told me she just lied about it. Now this is where the situation needs further explanation, and where I hold myself to blame.  You remember our problem with her iTunes account, and my fortune (insert extreme sarcasm) in seeing (and hearing) every iMessage she sends to her friends on my iPhone.  We finally managed a work around, which I admit did involve creating an email account for her with perhaps a little white lie about her age so we could have the account in the first place, and then another little while lie about her age to get the iTunes account.  Problem finally solved, however, behaviour also easily mimicked by an 8-year-old.  If she’s seen her mother and brother do it, then it must be okay!  Damn.

I naturally also asked why she wanted a Facebook account in the first place.  She told me she’d been jealous of her friend and how many “things” she had in an online game, and when she saw that she could earn more “things” herself if she simply logged in to Facebook she did just that, creating the account along the way.  Aaaarrrgggh.  They don’t call it “the web” for nothing, it’s a web of intrigue and danger and invitations that little minds just fall in love with.  We then had a discussion about what she’d learned at school about the internet, and all the things she knew NOT to do, and that setting up this account was totally against the rules (both at school and home).  As only an innocent 8-year-old could, she explained through more tears and half breaths (yep, very, very upset) that she had been on school holidays for a few weeks and forgotten about all the school rules.  We had hugs and made up (angry Mummy now forgiving Mummy) and agreed that it would never happen again, and that she could be trusted not to make another error of judgement like that.

We also agreed that she has no more computer access until we go away, and the iPod has also been confiscated for an indefinite period.  I am disappointed in myself to think that our behaviour wouldn’t be copied by my daughter, and I’m also annoyed with myself that I got so angry about it and with her.  Father of a Man-Child would have been much calmer about it (he always is).  He’s definitely the Yin to my Yang and where I am generally the yelling parent he is generally the talking parent (anyone who knows us both will not be surprised by that at all).  At the end of the day I should have been angry with the internet, and the social networks that allow us all (including our children) to so easily create fake accounts and personas, whether for a good cause or not.

So, that’s our Facebook drama.  What do you do to stop the hideous infiltration of the world-wide-web into your children’s lives?   Do you have rules about using the internet, and other devices?  Should I have handled things differently?

It does seem Sister of a Man-Child is getting quite a look in on the blog these days.  Perhaps one day I’ll have to rename it?  And what of the Men-Children you ask?  Well being school holidays, I’d love to tell you how they are, but we’ve seen them so infrequently I barely know.  I think we’ve had ONE meal together as a family in the whole school holidays.  Yep, at 16 it’s just not where they want to be.

As we’re off on a little holiday with Sister of a Man-Child, you may not hear from me for a week, unless there is exciting breaking news about the Men-Children whilst we’re away!  And no, we are not leaving them home alone – what do you think we are?  Crazy?

I have written about the joys of Facebook before.  Can you be Facebook friends with your kids?

 

Technology – A privacy invasion? July 6, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — Mother of a Man-Child @ 5:00 pm
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video cameraI love technology don’t get me wrong.  It makes our lives easier on a daily basis, it has revolutionised the way we communicate, and no doubt will continue to make incredible advances that we haven’t even dreamt about by the end of the year (one might have said decade but it moves so fast I have to condense the time frames)!

And just as well I love technology – with two teenage boys who can’t get enough of it, and their sister, a true “digital native” at only 8 years old – it’s very present in our lives.  It’s fair to say Sister of a Man-Child’s use of technology took a quantum leap when Father Christmas generously gave her an iPod Touch last Christmas (Nintendo DS are SO last century)!  As a result, she was no longer reliant on borrowing the iPad, or one of our iPhones, or the Macbook, but had free reign of the App store – she was like a kid in a lolly shop.   Thankfully, the bulk of them are free, and she’s been trained to ask if she can download one that costs money (yes even 0.99c – it’s the principal of it), so it’s relatively under control.

Of course the clever iPod Touch does everything the iPhone does in a wireless environment, except make phone calls.  I mentioned when she got it that having put it under my iTunes account (very logical at the time), I now have the joy of “sharing” all the conversations she has with her friends via iMessage.  Which can be insightful, but also very annoying when you’re in the office and your phone keeps pinging you every time another inane comment from an 8-year-old enters cyberspace!!!

My daughter is now so with the program, she can thumb type faster than me, and create a video on her iPod in about 1 minute flat.  No wonder YouTube has so much content on it – they create it constantly.

Sister of a Man-Child discovered the joys of Face Time too, so you can often hear her and a friend talking to each other about absolutely nothing really, for 30 mins or so.  It’s their version of a telephone call naturally, but you can’t pick your nose discreetly or roll your eyes when it’s on video can you?  I was recently stuck at home for the day, having survived the hideous man-cold that is doing the rounds at the moment (it’s earned that title, it’s not a nice gentle cold that a woman-cold would be, it’s a dead set bastard of a thing that king hits you and bang – you’re out for the count).  Anyway, I had kindly said my daughter could spend the day at home with me while I worked with my germs close by, instead of sending her off to holiday program.

Trouble first set in on the Sunday night – she was reluctant to give up her iPod Touch, and kept wanting to chat to her friend well past bed time.  Alarm bells rang when I noticed the message on my phone between them agreeing to FT (short for Face Time) each other at 10pm!!!!  Thank you, there’ll be none of that, I’ll just take that iPod for the night.  I was pleased to see her friend tell my daughter “Shore (sic) but I think it’s a bit naughty to do that”  – yes it is!!!!

Of course by 8am the next morning they were both up, so what better time for FT.  Next thing you know I am in the kitchen in my PJ’s (after a weekend of man-cold it’s very fair to say I was not looking my best) and I hear my daughter’s friend, and then her mother, saying “Good morning” to her.  What the?  Can’t I even have breakfast in peace?  Nope, it’s like Big Brother in our house.  They’re hearing AND seeing what we’re doing in the morning, and vice versa.  I think not.  I explain to my daughter that she is welcome to share her life via FT to anyone she cares, but that I have limits for our family.  And that means I don’t really want to see the school mums over breakfasts – regardless of how well we know each other.  It’s just a little too invasive for my liking.  But then again, maybe that’s just me.  I admit it, I absolutely HATE Big Brother, and always will. Obviously I am not Gen Y or Z!!!

So that’s our life with technology at the moment.  There are days that I have to tell Sister of a Man-child “no more screen time”, which she knows means don’t touch the iPod, iPhone, or Macbook again today.  So of course she’ll plonk herself in front of the TV – not yet an iTV, but coming soon to a home near you!  Am I the only one who hates this invasion of technology sometimes?  Do you set limits in your house?

I have written about technology before:  Fighting the Technology Tsunami.  It’s an uphill battle!