Mother of a Man-Child

My life with teenage boys

Deciphering Man-Child language April 16, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — Mother of a Man-Child @ 10:48 pm
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We all know the language used by teenagers – normally a grunt and some incomprehensible words if you are lucky.  Oh and maybe a passing text message if they think you might like to know their whereabouts.  And a “pleeeaaaasssse” said ever so sweetly when suddenly they want something, or need a lift somewhere, or extra pocket-money, or are in trouble at school and want a note for the teacher.

I am always amused by the TV ad for Nutrigrain that features a young 14-year-old surfer, grunting so sweetly at his smiling mother whilst they translate on the screen for the audience.  I guess it’s funny, except it’s so far removed from reality for this mother of teenage children that it’s almost offensive that they’ve laced this situation with saccharine.  I guess since I worked in advertising for more than 15 years I’m the ultimate cynic and the harshest critic when it comes to a slice of reality in advertising.

Anyway, in the interests of my audience I thought it might be useful to provide you with a glossary of terms that our teenage children are currently using, so you can at least attempt to decipher some of their mutterings, and maybe, just maybe, not embarrass them with your “old-fashioned” sayings – yes something our children often comment on – talk about make you feel ancient!

Here’s the current list, which I may need to add to over time.  And credit where it’s due – this was put together with the assistance of Man-Child I and Man-Child II.

  • CBS = Can’t be stuffed
  • Tank = Buff.  (In my day “tanked” = pissed)
  • Tight = Strict.  (In my day “tight” or “tight-arse” = someone who was not generous with their money)
  • Rents = Parents.  Yep, that’s us……LOL
  • Scarn (said bogan style)  = What’s going on?  This is currently the voice mail message of Man-Child I – not very polite is it?
  • Mint Biddy = Good looking girl.  Guess it’s the opposite of old biddy – at least the biddy bit hasn’t changed!
  • Youse arkin’? = Are you arking up?  (Interpretation – messing up)
  • G-Fez = Glenferrie Road.  Sounds like a strange sort of hat if you ask me.

There are another couple of acronyms, but not appropriate on the WWW.  But trust me, if you hear your kids say or use the phrase “DMC”, whack them first, ask questions later.  🙂


World Wrestling April 11, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — Mother of a Man-Child @ 7:10 pm
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If you are ever short on entertainment, perhaps you could drop into our house for some live World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE on Pay TV for those who are fans!).  Yes, on any given night (normally when our 6-year-old daughter is trying to go to sleep) you will hear the sounds of two testosterone pumped boys doing their best impression of world wrestling right in their own lounge room.

Whilst we try to avoid it most nights, sometimes it’s just impossible to ignore the screams of Teen-Child –  he’s mastered the art of bellowing so much, that we now recognise it as simply a case of good acting, not actual injury, except maybe to his pride.  Coupled with the bellowing is a regular case of crocodile tears – just to extract maximum sympathy from any onlookers.  Meanwhile Man-Child – not one for tears – just channels all his energy into physical strength to ensure he doesn’t lose.  He is highly competitive.

To be honest, I have no idea who wins on any given night.  Occasionally we will watch with amusement, although I can’t really do this for very long.  I don’t like violence, even if it is healthy “play fighting” – and I use that term very loosely in the case of our boys.  Again, as very different boys I guess their differences are bound to boil over occasionally, and to result in physical attacks against each other.  I don’t imagine it’s any different in other houses with males of a close age.  I distinctly recall as a youngster  watching a friends teenage brothers chase each other around the kitchen table, and I was sure they were going to kill each other!  But then I was one of four girls, so my exposure to this sort of behaviour had been fairly limited – although trust me girls have their own unique version of fighting.

When our boys were little we always said they were like puppy dogs – always better after a good run in the park to burn off some energy.  Now as adolescent males, my view (and those of many others) is that they just can’t do enough sport.  It keeps them busy before and after school and on weekends, expends massive amounts of energy, and is a healthy alternative to some other activities they might otherwise choose.

Game on!