Mother of a Man-Child

My life with teenage boys

Mother of a Man-Child: Whoops! May 27, 2011

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iphoneA funny thing happened the other day.  I discovered a heap of unknown contacts in my iPhone.  What the?  Where did these come from?  And who are these people anyway?  And then it dawned on me – they were my son’s contacts!  GOLD!!!

Man-Child I was recently the recipient of his first ever iPhone.  A hand me down I might add, and he stays on the $30 plan, so forget surfing the net or racking up hefty data charges – he quickly realized how fast his credit was getting chewed by one of the telco monsters.

In order to get his iPhone up and running, we seemed to spend an inordinate amount of time updating everyone’s phones one night.  Father of a man-child needed all his contacts copied over to his new iPhone (and somehow ended up with them in triplicate)!  Man-Child I wanted all his contacts copied over to the old iPhone and his fathers deleted.  Plus all my apps and games copied onto his iPhone from mine – not that easy trust me.

In typical fashion Man-Child I went like a bull at a gate (who needs instructions I’m a male) and nearly stuffed up the entire thing.  The head of technology in our house (that’s me, Mother of a Man-Child) then used forums and Google to determine how we should best go about this and saved the day.  Well sort of…

Two days later I’m at work when I notice I have a stack of new contacts in my phone.  And they’re not mine.  Moreover they’re not Father of a Man-Child’s.  That was when I realized I had Man-Child I’s contacts in my phone.  I suddenly had access to all his friends mobile numbers, email addresses etc, thankfully in addition to my own contacts.

So I naturally sent a text to let him know.  I’m sure he felt positively ill about it.  He couldn’t get home fast enough to delete them from my iPhone and off my computer.  Not that I was going to talk to any of them, but it was funny knowing I could.  It would be a bit like having my son friend me on Facebook and suddenly having access to all his mates – like that’s ever going to happen!!!

 

Mother of a Man-Child: She Knows Everything! May 20, 2011

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“She Knows Everything” declared Man-Child II to Man-Child I recently.  Yes, they were referring to me, Mother of a Man-Child, who stood calmly in their midst, delighted that her men-children had finally conceded nothing escapes me!

Naturally Father of a Man-Child concurs – I seem to recall his speech at our wedding more than 20 years ago, which centered on the theme that his new wife would “always be right” and he would “always be wrong”, and that’s just the way it was going to be for ever.  This was much to the amusement of gathered guests and meant half in jest of course.  20 years on, I suspect that poor Father of a Man-Child thinks that he’s never spoken a truer word in his life, and he had no idea how prophetic his words would be.

So back to the story that led to the wondrous proclamation of my skills. 🙂  Man-Child I had been out to a party, arriving home before midnight.  I let him in the door just as a friend left our house; he literally bounced in the door, all smiles and slightly glazed eyes.  It took me less than a nano-second to process that information as I farewell-ed our guest.

Shortly afterwards I casually wandered upstairs to see the boys.  Our conversation went something like this:

MOMC:  How was the party?

MC-I:  Yer, good thanks.

MOMC:  What did you have to drink?

MC-I:  Nothing.

MOMC:  Don’t bullshit me (insert name), of course you have.

MC-I:  How can you tell?

MOMC:  I just can.  It’s not hard.

MC-II (twin brother):  There’s no point lying (insert name).  SHE KNOWS EVERYTHING.  Don’t worry you won’t get in trouble.  She’s okay with a few drinks.

MC-I:  Okay, I had a few beers.

See, nothing to it.  Out came the truth.  Apart from relishing the fact that they had recognised my amazing skills, I was actually pleased that he had admitted he’d had a few.  Having remained surprisingly calm (no real harm was done after all) it will hopefully ensure open dialogue the next time too.

Of course it also reminds me how naïve a 15-year-old can be.  I too was a teenager who no doubt also thought my parents would be too stupid to know I’d had a drink, regardless of my glazed eyes and swaying stance.  It was surely only me that could feel my tongue not quite managing the words properly and my brain synapses a little dull – surely no-one else would be noticing would they?

So around and around the circle of life goes.  I too had a “Mother Who Knows Everything” and “Father Who Knows Everything”. Obviously they taught me well!

 

Mother of a Man-Child: Mother’s Day Musings May 13, 2011

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mothers dayMother’s Day has been and gone for another year.  Unfortunately both my hubby and me are without our mothers now, something you can’t help but recall with sadness on this day.  Fortunately however, being a mother means I also get to be the centre of the day’s events at home (well almost).

For the Men-Children, Mothers Day is clearly an event to be missed.  Both of them made plans to go out on Saturday night, and to stay over at a mates, until both Mother of a Man-Child and Father of a Man-Child pointed out that since it was Mother’s Day on Sunday, it would be nice for them to be at home.  Moreover which other Mother wants to wake up to my men-children on Mother’s Day I ask you?

My daughter on the other hand had been living in anticipation of Mother’s Day for an entire week.  Of course there’s the special presents to make at school, and the cards to craft.  Not to mention the breakfast-in-bed planning to do with Dad.  Oh, and an acrostic poem to write.  My daughter was one of a select few to have her effort published in the school newsletter for everyone to read.  I’ve included it below for your amusement – I just love the bit about me getting angry!!!

Kind and loving she is caring and careful. I love my Mum.

Every day she says good night, she cooks us dinner and she helps the family with so much stuff.

Lots of things my mum does. She lets me have friends over, she plays games with me.  My mum is SUPER!

Little times, big times, hard times, easy times. I don’t care if mum gets angry at me.  I will still always love her.

You know my mum is the Best in the whole WORLD!

Such was my daughter’s excitement that she couldn’t actually wait until Sunday to give me one of my presents.  So I got the homemade heart-shaped lavender soap as an early present on Saturday, which took pride of place in the bathroom.  It’s quite “rustic” but seems to do the job.  🙂

In keeping with the boys’ level of engagement around all things Mother’s Day, I actually bought my own Mother’s Day card and asked them to write in it.  Is that sad or what?  Thankfully Sister of a Man-Child wasn’t satisfied until they had each written in it.  And to be honest, what they each wrote warmed the cockles of my heart.

On Sunday I did get breakfast in bed along with Sister of a Man-Child naturally, and a kiss and hug from Man-Child I.  Man-Child II went the hug but resisted the kiss.  Clearly at 15 that just grosses him out I gather?  Oh well, small steps.  Somehow I then ended up going to see a kid’s movie with my daughter (I did point out the irony of this to her on Mother’s Day) and then we watched the men-children play footy.  All in all an enjoyable day.

When I asked the boys where my present was from them their instant retort was “But you don’t give us enough pocket-money”!!  My response: “Gee boys, I’m sure you could have guilted Dad into giving you money to buy a present for me.  And apart from that, you could always have offered to cook dinner for me!”

In the words of my daughter “It really is kids day every day Mummy isn’t it?”

 

Mother of a Man-Child: Teenage Glossary of Terms Part III May 6, 2011

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wordsIt’s been a while since I’ve updated you all on the nuances of teenage language, so I thought it was time for a refresher on the latest lingo on the street.

Of course, it’s more than likely this language is not unique only to teenagers; no doubt there’s plenty of other Gen Y or Gen X people who know these terms, but as a mother of a man-child in her mid 40’s (it’s going to stay MID for a while I can tell you) it’s sadly passing me by.

So for those of you who do not keep up here’s the latest series of terms to help you understand your adolescent offspring in between grunting:

  • Muzza = Bogan
  • Mutlick = Mate
  • Gimp = Loser
  • Kwan (or Kwanum) = Hey you, or Mate
  • Aye Lad = True (straight from the North of England if you ask me)
  • Fresh = like “Sic”
  • Missus = Girlfriend (this one creeps me out a bit I have to say)
  • Shits & Giggs = Just for giggles and for the shit of it

The other trend one of my men-children exhibits is to talk either in “Muzza” language or like a “lad”.  God only knows why.  I can’t stand it when he does.  Thankfully nor can his “bro”!!!

As always, I do like to keep adding to the list, so those of you with men-children or the female equivalent (not sure what to call them actually – “women-children” doesn’t have quite the same ring) please drop me a line.

And for the benefit of your education, here’s the earlier lists:

https://motherofamanchild.com/2010/12/17/mother-of-a-ma…-terms-part-ii/ 

https://motherofamanchild.com/2010/04/16/deciphering-man-child-language/