Mother of a Man-Child

My life with teenage boys

Gold at the end of the rainbow….. November 23, 2013

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It’s been a good week in the man-child household – we are on the up.  Headlines of the week:

 

Man-child cleans room after threat from Mother!

clean room

You would have seen last week that I had reached the end of my tether.  Finally the dust and debris littering man-child’s room was too much for me.  Under threat of ME cleaning his room (and finding who knows what) he actually stayed home over the weekend and cleaned his room.  OMG!!!  There was actually enough carpet visible that I was able to run the vacuum over the floor.  I wanted to show him how nice the room could look with a small amount of effort.

I also had three loads of washing to do as a result of his room cleaning efforts – I told you there was a lot to clean up, not to mention the nice sheets that had been on his bed for a few months (yes, totally gross).

Now that we can see the floor, he has another task to tackle – his desk!  Such are the organisational instincts of our man-child, that he has everything on his desk and NOTHING in his desk drawers!!  Hasn’t he worked out the easiest way to “clean” is to shove it all in the draw or cupboard? 🙂

messy desk

 

Man-child actually has a paying job!

In another exciting development last weekend, my other man-child actually did some paid employment.  A bit of lateral thinking by mother of a man-child secured a short term gig mowing lawns for a school family.  Also this week, another job in the pipeline came off, with some garden maintenance work he can do during the Dec school hols (the latter through his initiative I am delighted to say).

He is clearly happy to have work, and enjoys manual labour and working outdoors like his twin brother.  He is also excited about the prospect of banking some money before the Christmas holidays.  Not nearly as excited as me!!!  He even needs to get a tax file number – all good as far as I am concerned – welcome to the real world.

So all in all a good week on the home front.  Small but important steps for the boys.  And a small step towards sanity for Mother of a man-child.  Now that’s a good job!

Here’s last weeks post: https://motherofamanchild.com/2013/11/15/clean-your-room-part-ii/

And my previous musings and about job prospecting: https://motherofamanchild.com/2012/06/08/man-child-has-a-job-sort-of/

 

Clean Your Room – Part II November 15, 2013

Filed under: Uncategorized — Mother of a Man-Child @ 10:25 pm
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vacuumA few months ago, I wrote with some excitement about the initial efforts of one of the men-children to clean his room.  So full of stuff was it, that two garbage bags of clothing barely made a dent to the mess on the floor.  But I was excited nevertheless, that we had made a small step towards cleanliness.

Now that said man-child is on “holidays” whilst he finds a full-time job, I mentioned the other day that it was the perfect opportunity to continue to clean his room.  My request was met with compliance and complete agreement from my man-child – with one caveat – he refused to commit to a time frame.  I realised this as each day passed with yet another excuse.

“Give me a break, I’m just on holidays”

“Mum, it’s the weekend, I’ll do it next week”

Q: “When are you doing it?” A: “Dunno”

And finally last week’s response – “you just don’t encourage me or motivate me do you” to which I explained that the first few requests were in fact quite pleasant, but by the time I had asked TEN TIMES I was no longer being nice about it!!!!

We reached a tipping point recently when I was in his room and noticed the layers of dust in the corner – and that was only what I could see readily.  Now to be fair, I wasn’t overly surprised by this, as I have instructed the cleaners to only vacuum carpet that has nothing on it – that’s about one square inch each week.

To top things off, his sheets went unchanged for about 2 months (yes, totally gross, but I absolutely refuse to do this for almost 18-year-old boys) and after he eventually stripped his bed and threw the dirty linen on the floor way back when, rather than make his bed he then slept with a blanket on his mattress, and just the doona (no cover) for another 2-3 months.  Ewwwww!  I tried to explain the benefits of fresh linen, and the wonderful collection of bugs etc that thrive on the human body and live in our mattresses and doonas if we let them, but to no avail.  The other day I explained that I had shared his delightful habits with a friend who was absolutely appalled, and surprise, surprise, that night, he actually changed his sheets.  I must have embarrassed him into doing it (the irony of further sharing his revolting habits with an even wider audience is not lost on me).

As to his room, I have now delivered him an ultimatum – either clean your room by Saturday night or I will clean it myself on Sunday.  Now that caused him to think about his options:

  1. Let Mum do it and find stuff I don’t want her to in my room (who knows what treasures I might find)…..
  2. Let Mum do it and throw out whatever she wants (I will file a lot of “rubbish” in the bin)…..
  3. Do it myself!

I will report next week as to the outcomes of my threat and/or efforts to clean his room.  In case you are wondering, no his twin brother is not like him (thankfully) and does keep his room reasonably tidy and change his sheets regularly.

You can read about my earlier excitement here: 

https://motherofamanchild.com/2013/08/30/breaking-news-man-child-cleans-his-room/

 

Breaking News: Man-Child cleans his room! August 30, 2013

Filed under: Uncategorized — Mother of a Man-Child @ 7:12 pm
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rubbish bagsOMG, a major victory in the home of the men-children – one of the boys has voluntary cleaned his bedroom.  The reason for my excitement – it’s actually the man-child who was content living with crap from one end of his room to the other, carpet no longer visible beneath the growing pile of clothing, bags, shoes, papers, beer boxes etc.

I came home last night to find two full garbage bags sitting in the family room.  Naturally I enquired of Father of a Man-Child about the contents, sure they were yet more bags of donated footy boots that would live in our house for another four months.  You can imagine my surprise when he told me it was the clothing that our man-child had sorted in his bedroom and decided he no longer needed.

I was temporarily dumb-struck at the news, before sheer excitement overtook me.  I asked for a celebratory drink, and raced upstairs to see the impact of the purging.  The fact that one can now actually see the carpet in man-child’s room is excitement enough.  He has removed the largest piles of offending items, and begun the process.  Before you get too excited, it’s not quite spotless yet (he has the high standards of a neat freak to live up to remember) but he’s made a great start.  The cupboards have had a good clean out, his clothes now have a place to live, and he even has a bag full of items he intends to sell.

I asked if he was going to continue with the clean-up project, grateful he said yes, albeit “eventually” (let’s not overdo it on the first day).  But just to have agreement that he will tackle his desk in due course, and also remove and/or sort out all the bags, scooter, gym weights etc on the floor of his room is cause for further celebration.

Now you may ask what led to this change of heart?  I certainly have.  Father of a Man-Child thinks it just takes a while for the message to sink in, so perhaps it has been delivered often enough that it finally took hold (definitely a possibility).  In my most recent letter to them following WWIII in our home, I did describe his room as positively “vile”.

Man-Child was also recently the recipient of two wonderful pieces of memorabilia for his room – a framed football jumper and a framed collection of his rowing photos and medals, which I think he realises, will look great in his bedroom if it’s clean.  In its current state you wouldn’t even notice the frames.   Of course he only has to look at this brother’s bedroom to see the idyllic state his room could be in – perhaps that finally inspired him also?

So, a small victory for Mr and Mrs Tidy Town (that’s us), and a major leap forward for our Man-Child.  I will gently encourage him to continue the clean up (don’t rush me Mum), and maybe even offer to help (who knows what I might find though).

As they say, and I concur, “Cleanliness is next to Godliness”.  I have already said my little prayer of thanks to the man above. 🙂

 

Girlfriends for sleepovers? October 14, 2011

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kiss“Mum, I have a girlfriend.”  “Do you darling, that’s nice”.  “Can she stay over, in my room?”  “Of course she can, no problems, and I’ll bring you both breakfast in bed the next morning.”  Okay, that’s NOT how the conversation went.  But imagine if that’s what I had said to my 15-year-old Man-Child.  He definitely would have thought I’d completely lost my mind – he knows I’m not that liberated.

Seriously though, we did have the conversation recently, whilst on holidays.  Man-Child II innocently lobbed this fact over the dinner table to me whilst out a restaurant (I think he was using a public place to ensure I didn’t completely lose it given how the questions unfolded).  I told him I thought he already had a girlfriend, but now it seems it’s “official”.  It is a girl I have met.  In fact it’s the girl who lied to my face a few months back…..no wonder she’s kept a low profile.  Anyway, I can move on!

I was initially thrilled that he had chosen to share this with me, however as the conversation progressed, it became clear why.  It was so he could quite seriously ask if it would be alright if she stayed over some time.  But not just stayed over as a friend would, but stayed over in his room, in his queen size bed, with the bedroom door closed.  (I’m hyperventilating now just thinking about it again).

As I mentioned, we were in a restaurant, so I couldn’t lose it.  I didn’t want to give him an outright no and appear totally unreasonable (just yet), so I asked a few more questions whilst I tried to collect my inner thoughts.  One of which was “Are you having sex”!!!!  His answer was no – and I have no way of knowing if that’s the truth or not, but I am happy to believe him.   I also asked what her parents thought of her staying the night – they hadn’t been asked.  Hmmm.  I suspect they were optimistically going for the “Man-Child’s mum thinks it’s okay, so do you too”?

I know my son has stayed at her place before, but with a whole host of boys and girls, and he assures me he slept on the couch.  I recall speaking to the mother at the time who told me the girls and boys were well separated and her bedroom was in between – excellent arrangement!

Of course I grew up with fairly strict Catholic parents, who didn’t allow my boyfriends to EVER sleep at our house.  And my parents-in-law finally let me and Father of a Man-Child share a room at the beach house once we were engaged (oh and I was allowed to call them by their first names then too – yep, a tad old-fashioned and conservative).

So back to the decision.  I told him I wasn’t really keen to have girlfriends staying in his room just now, mainly because I didn’t want to condone sex amongst teenagers who aren’t even 16.  (No probs if she was to stay in the spare room downstairs).  He went to his father for an opinion, who was for once even more assertive than me and gave him a very flat NO!  Yay.  Man-Child continued to badger us for a couple of hours that night, reminding us that at 16 he will be able to do what he wants, but we haven’t heard about it again since.  I did sound like my parents when I said “It’s our house, and while you live in it, you abide by our rules”.

I’m sure at some stage we’ll agree to a girlfriend staying over in his room, but for now, it’s not on.  I even asked about his mates – he assured me half of them hadn’t even kissed a girl, so they’re years behind our man-child.   Great, we get the early developer!!

So what do you think?  Are we right?  Or are we too prudish for our own good?  When do you think it’s okay to have “sleepovers” of this kind?

Read about the lying incident here: Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire.