Mother of a Man-Child

My life with teenage boys

Mother of a Man-Child: The Challenge of Educating Boys? August 27, 2010

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Most adults understand the importance of a good education.  With hindsight we can all appreciate the value of learning, and the ability to continually learn throughout our adult working life.  No doubt some of us had better school experiences than others, but I’m sure we’d all agree school should be an enjoyable (or at the very least not un-enjoyable) part of your childhood.

And so it is that we are currently facing challenges with Man-Child II.  On the sporting field both our boys are excelling, both at school and outside school, with opportunities to play their chosen sports at elite levels.  Of course we couldn’t be prouder.

Man-Child I has applied himself increasingly well at school this year, following some pretty average school reports, and the results have reflected his improved application.  We are more than happy with this.

Man-Child II unfortunately has not.  He also had some pretty average school reports last year and earlier this year, and to date no amount of threats or other approaches have changed his attitude to school or his results.  He constantly has notes in his school record book about not completing homework, not handing in homework, not being prepared for a test.  And each evening and weekend we ask about homework in a vain attempt to ensure he is completing the work.  Unfortunately it seems this has not helped.  The reason for his attitude?  In short if he finds something boring, he just doesn’t do the work because he doesn’t see the point.

So now we find ourselves with a rather large dilemma.

Questions we are asking ourselves:

  • Is the current school the right one for him?
  • Would a different school be better for him – which one?
  • Would they teach in a completely different way that might engage a 14-year-old boy?
  • Should he repeat Year 8 due to immaturity and the fact he has obviously missed out on learning most of the basics this year (and which I believe are crucial building blocks for following years)?
  • What logic can we use to make him understand there is value in maths, english, history, geography (eg. you don’t know how these might be relevant in later life, it’s the breadth of knowledge and the ability to learn that benefits you, etc.)?

I tell myself the curriculum can’t vary that much from school to school, so if he hates science, english, history, geography etc then he just has to suck it up, because it’s a little hard to not do the basics in Year 8 isn’t it?

We did recently get him a tutor in maths, a subject he reluctantly admitted he was struggling with and falling behind in.  The good news is we have seen results, and it is the only subject that he has made improvements in – credit to his tutor.  But the reality is we can’t have a tutor in every subject – that to me isn’t treating the cause of the problem at the end of the day.

At this point our plan is to seek the school’s guidance and advice – they see 250 boys each year go through Year 8 – surely they must have experience with similar cases?  How have they handled it previously?

Of course the other issue this raises is a rather more delicate one.  What if the school agreed with us that he should repeat Year 8?  How would that make him feel?  Would you move schools to do this (I think yes)?  What is the impact on a 14-year-old boy with a twin brother (probably pretty rough I suspect)?

Not surprisingly the possibility of this infuriates Man-Child II.  We had the conversation just this week following yet another poor school report.  He is adamant he wouldn’t do it – naturally.  Part of me hopes it will be just the motivator he needs to pull his digit out between now and the end of the year, and to save him and us from some hard decisions.

But in the meantime, I think we have our own homework – to seriously consider some options that might help our son, and ensure his school life is both enjoyable, and fruitful.

Thoughts, advice, similar experiences all welcome from the readers of my blog.  Help!

 

Mother of a Man-Child: Don’t they learn? Part II August 13, 2010

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As you will recall, last week Mother of a Man-Child II had yet again performed his Houdini trick, disappearing at midnight for a late night visit with friends.  I discovered this at 3am in the morning when I found his bed looking rather empty.  You would also know it was 4.45am before his father arrived home with him, having picked him up from a train station some distance away!!!

The first thing I actually did when he walked in the door was asked for his mobile phone.  Two things surprised me initially:

  • One, his mobile had no pin code on it – I thought Mother of a Man-Child II was smarter than that – to protect it in case stolen and to stop prying mothers looking at the phone.
  • Two, much to my disappointment, there were no text messages on his phone.  When I enquired why, he said he always automatically deletes them (the opposite behaviour of most people I’m sure).

Momentarily deflated by this, I decided to check the call log on his phone.  Bingo!

Not only could I see all the recently received calls (including some stalker called his mother) but I could also see all the recently placed calls.  The best thing about call logs of course is that it includes times, numbers or names (when in the address book) and dates.  The detective now had exactly the evidence required.  And yes, I was particularly smug about this fact, and did think myself extremely clever.  I will enjoy it whilst it lasts, because it’s unlikely I’ll ever be able to repeat this feat – my son isn’t that stupid!  Score:  Parents 1, Kids 0.

So now armed with clear evidence of who had been involved in the late night escapade (and yes a girl was at the top of the list), we retired to bed for a few pathetic hours more sleep.  What astounds me is that Mother of a Man-Child II thought it was perfectly acceptable to be out from midnight to 5am and then have a 2 hour rugby training session and play an AFL game the following day.   The fact that he managed to play so well as to get Best on Ground left me further gob-smacked – freak child.

So Sunday morning came around.  My first call was to the home of his school friend to find out if he had been out the night prior.  Well, it transpires that this particular friend had actually been caught at the front door by his parents trying to leave home, and made up some bull-dust story about hearing noises at midnight.  When his parents found a backpack with clothing and shoes outside the front of the house, they quickly wised up.  When I told them about Mother of a Man-Child II’s travels, they knew they had foiled a clever plan.  Score:  Parents 2, Kids 0.

Then it was onto the offending female, who had called my son from her mobile and her home, thereby providing me with a landline number and direct access to her parents.   Glee – until I received a recorded message.  I was reluctant to leave a message lest the daughter erased it, or wised up to my calls but eventually I did.  When the father called me back he was naturally very interested to learn about his daughter’s activities the prior night.  Score:  Parents 3, Kids 0.

There were also some phone numbers that had no name, so naturally I called them.  One was a parents phone that the child had obviously used, the other interestingly was the phone of one of the 14-year-old female visitors to my house a few weeks ago – hmmm, seems she hadn’t quite learned her lesson, and was still roaming the streets late at night.

So now I have a dilemma.  The only way to let this girl’s parents know what she’s doing on a regular basis is to contact her school.  I am still thinking about whether or not this is the right thing to do, as it involves more than just her parents.  Advice welcome!

In terms of Man-Child II, I have told him that when we extend upstairs I will be having a zoned alarm complete with trip wire put at the base of the stairs, thereby ensuring he cannot leave our house without my knowledge.  And trust me the upstairs window won’t be an option – even for Houdini.  🙂

 

Mother of a Man-Child: Don’t they learn? August 6, 2010

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As those who read my blog regularly would know, we recently had an issue with Mother of a Man-Child II, who had four early morning (3am) female visitors to our house following a three-hour jaunt in the park along with three of his mates (all guests at our house for the night).  Of course Man-Child II was subsequently grounded for LIFE and we moved on.

So it seems did Man-Child II.  You see he was sick of being grounded and not allowed out, so he decided to go out, without our permission, thus inviting even more trouble.  The issue is not only the blatant disregard for the punishment, but that he decided to sneak out at 3am in the morning!!!!!  Or at least that’s what time I discovered him missing.

Call it female intuition, but I had overheard Man-Child II on the phone late on the Saturday night, and did get the distinct sense that something was being arranged.  When he went to bed I made him properly lock all his windows – you see I just KNEW.  And so it was that when I awoke in the middle of the night, I decided to check that all my darling children were tucked up in their beds, in the blissful land of nod.

As I poked my head into Man-Child II’s room, I strained to hear the familiar breathing of a slumbering child.  When I didn’t, it was with my heart in my mouth that I switched on his light, and found an empty bed.  Okay, don’t panic I told myself, he’s gone to the loo.  I checked every room of the house and when I didn’t find him, realised that my gut had been right after all.   And when his mobile phone was gone it was pretty clear so was he.

So what to do?  First wake husband – he’s not missing all the action this time.Second, send text to son advising him to come home (just to let him know we know).  Third, call son so I can scream down the phone at him, hurling the vitriol and hurt that only a mother can muster at 3am in the morning,  Fourth get angry that he won’t pick up (no wonder, he didn’t want to be on the receiving end of what he knew was coming).  Five, seriously consider ringing the parents of his mate, that I am confident he conspired with, then decide that they would NOT like a phone call at 3am.

After 30 mins of anxiety, he finally texted me back to say he was coming home.  That was only after I threatened to contact the police if he didn’t respond.  My poor husband decided to get in the car and drive around to see if he could find him – half asleep at the wheel, visiting 24 hour McDonald’s restaurants.

It wasn’t until 4.30am that my son finally answered one of the 20 calls I had made to his phone – by which stage it’s fair to say I was getting slightly hysterical, especially since my husband wasn’t answering his mobile either (visions of a car accident due to tiredness just to add to the turmoil of the event).

He informed us he was at a train station quite a few suburbs away.  I could hear his mates (male and female) in the background.   So my husband went and picked him up, and at 5am after yet another lecture and extracting diddly squat from him as usual, we all went to bed.

For now that’s where I’ll end the story.  You can read the second instalment of this Man-Child episode next week (if you don’t want to miss it subscribe to the blog).   Those who know me know that I wouldn’t be happy just to have my son back.  Oh no!  Detective Mother of a Man-Child had plenty more work to do!