Mother of a Man-Child

My life with teenage boys

Mum’s the Word April 5, 2013

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Easter BunnyHappy Easter to everyone!  Chocoholics rejoice.  For many, Easter this year marked the start of the school hols, and therein the end of the school lunchbox routine for a few weeks, and the start of entertaining the kids 24/7.  But it was also Easter for employees, a short break for we full-time workers that was a welcome respite from the five-day grind.  Do you think we would enjoy it so much if we didn’t work full-time?  Probably not, after all it is absence that makes the heart grow fonder.

We made the decision to head to the Gold Coast with sister of a man-child (leveraging a work trip to good effect it has to be said), leaving the men-children at home for Easter.  At 17 years old, we debated whether or not we could trust them at home, and decided the time had come that we could.  However, we also importantly decided not to tell them our plans until we were virtually walking out the door.  We all know how quickly they can organise a party these days, so why give them any further advantage?  We also ensured the car keys were hidden, lest they indulge in joy-riding again!! (You can read about that here).

Credit to sister of a man-child, as she maintained the secrecy around our holiday for a few weeks.  If truth be known, I think she actually liked having one up on her brothers for a change.  However, at the last-minute our secrecy almost back fired on us.  “The deck” (now officially christened by the boys and proving to be a successful venue for small gatherings), was planned to be the scene for “pres” for an end of season rowing party that had been in the diary for quite some time.  The idea was sprung on us at the last-minute, and we were actually very reluctant for him to hold it, especially since it was the day we left and we knew we weren’t going to be here to supervise.   So we dug in our heels with countless reasons to not host it, and finally luck delivered us the solution we needed.  The official party was cancelled, there-in ending the need for any “pres” at all.  Trust me that was close!

The following night we learned that one of the boys was invited away for Easter, leaving only one at home.  Even better – they tend to be more trustworthy alone in my view.  As it transpired we told one of them our plans late the night before we left (actually as a reward for his behaviour and attitude), and the other literally an hour we before we walked out the door (yes, he had been a right little shit and we were punishing him in our own small way).  And the response?  They were a little surprised, but didn’t have much choice did they?  One asked how long we had known and kept it to ourselves?  We nonchalantly replied “Oh, about a week” (or two). 🙂

So how did it go?  Well actually pretty well.  There were definitely a few gatherings in our absence (all made public to us not secret), and we came home to a thoroughly clean house, including a washed deck.  At least one man-child understands the need to reinstate the house to its normal order.  The biggest issue was the other man-child whose only job was to put out the rubbish bins before he went away – and yes, just like the other time, he didn’t do it – aaarrrgh!  Seriously annoying.

Our house-sitting man-child was even good enough to fill in the answers to the questions his sister had left for the Easter Bunny.  Now that’s a nice thing for a big brother to do isn’t it?

So tell me, at what age did your parents let you stay home alone?  And for how long?  Do you think we are being too trusting?

The first time we left them home alone, we were mega worried.  But the end result was actually okay.  You can read more about that here:

https://motherofamanchild.com/2012/01/06/men-children-alone-in-the-house-for-a-weekend/

https://motherofamanchild.com/2012/01/13/post-script-to-home-alone/

 

Surviving New Years Eve January 18, 2013

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Happy New Year to all!  Back after a three week break feeling very refreshed, although no doubt a week back at work will undo all the relaxation. Nevertheless, it was a very successful holiday with the kids, especially the men-children.  Testimony to this was the last night of our holiday away, when we asked if they would like to return to the same destination, and the same house next year, and the response was a resounding yes.

Initially we were somewhat concerned at the absence of the boys every day and night during our holiday– they were so quick to find their mates and things to do, father of a man-child felt we had wasted our money hiring a house that catered to the boys with their own sleeping and living area.  However we then reconsidered our position and agreed that a holiday where they were out having a good time, and we were having a good time with our daughter and friends and family was great for all.  A win-win so to speak.

Sister of a Man-Child wasn’t quite so enamoured with her holiday.  I suspect two things were a factor – one she loves having playmates, especially at the beach, so we need to ensure we catch up with friends and other kids (in the absence of her brothers).  And two, she did have a small accident that probably marred her holiday a bit.  Walking into the path of a cyclist doing almost 30kmh and being knocked violently to the road is bound to hurt.  So much so that we needed an ambulance to attend and a trip to the local hospital for some stiches and patching up of various grazes from top to toe.  Thankfully no broken bones so it didn’t completely ruin the second half of her holiday.

beer bottlesThe run up to NYE was interesting in itself.  We had kindly agreed that one of our men-children could have some friends to stay for the night, as most of his friends weren’t “local” to our holiday destination.  Of course, the pressure continued from him (or really his friends) to have more and more to stay.  I stood my ground to ensure we weren’t completely overrun with teenagers and successfully capped the number of bodies on spare mattresses on the actual night.  I also insisted that the girls that were attending (and not well known to me) either have their mothers call me or I would call them.  I wanted to be sure that firstly they had actually told their parents exactly what they were doing on the night, (yes, I have been a teenage girl before), ie. drinking alcohol, partying at the beach, then walking back to our home, and that also their parents understood that with our own friends to entertain, we weren’t going to be available to chase teenagers all over the place at midnight.

Controlling the sleep over was one thing, controlling “pre’s” (that’s short for pre-party drinks) quite another.  Naturally once the address was known, it seemed there were a few extras who decided they could come to our place early on New Years Eve (a bit stressful initially).  It gave me some insight into how quickly a party could get out of control and how strict you need to be with “invitations”.   So we had about 10 friends of one man-child, and suddenly the other man-child decided he too wanted to get into the act, so next thing he’s invited “the bois” (sic) and we have another half dozen teenagers.  To be fair he did ask permission first, and we did request names so we knew exactly who was attending (and all of them were known to us).

So what did we learn hosting a small gathering of teenagers for approx. four hours of “pre’s”:

  1. Make sure you feed them (helps line their stomachs and soak up the alcohol).  Keep it simple – snags, chicken wings and potato gems (I kid you not) proved very popular.
  2. Find countless excuses to “mingle” regularly.  Between several adults we did this, whilst also watching them from a balcony above at any rate.
  3. Don’t be afraid to interfere or take control, especially since it’s your house.  When we saw the shot glasses come out, they were quickly confiscated and the kids told “no shots on my watch thanks”.
  4. Expect the unexpected.  Like the girl whose mother dropped her off with a “thanks for having her to stay” and left me standing their gob-smacked thinking hang on a sec, that name wasn’t on the list.  I told the daughter I didn’t know where she planned to stay, but it wasn’t at our house and she knew that, and so did my son.
  5. Don’t be surprised to see just about every teenager smoking as well as drinking.  I really couldn’t believe they all smoked cigarettes – I thought in the last 30 years maybe things had changed in terms of attitudes to smoking.  Sadly, it seems it has not.
  6. Be thankful you are having “pre’s”.  It’s way less messy than what follows.

And what did my boys learn from the night:

  1. As parents we are “okay” sometimes, since we actually let them have “pre’s” and friends to stay.
  2. However, as parents we also call the shots and stick to our guns.
  3. We do like their friends, except the ones who lie to our faces.
  4. And lastly, that NYE is highly over-rated.  Naturally, once they hit the beach, where alcohol was prohibited (good), the party atmosphere died off pretty quickly and they were all home by about 12.30pm.  Even better.

There was a minor fuss the following day, when I learned that a few of them had been “rescued” from the beach late at night, having told another parent that we wouldn’t allow them to stay, and offered a bed at their house.  Instead of the REAL truth which was they were never INVITED to stay at our place in the first place.  And then they had the gall to turn up to our house the following morning to be collected by Mum.  You can imagine my views of the offending girls and how welcome they will be at my place in future can’t you?

So that was New Years for 2012/13.   We all survived it, and we all enjoyed it.  Will we do it again in 12 months time?  We shall see. 🙂

 

Daring to have “pre’s”! September 7, 2012

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party streamersRecently the boys made a rare request to host a “gathering” at our house. Not a party, but a “gathering”. If you have kept up to date with all my glossaries of teenage speak, you will know this is a small group of adolescents, gathered together for a social occasion, most definitely NOT a party (or so they will have you believe). This particular gathering was even more specific, in so far as it was actually for “pre’s” (again refer the glossary for the definition, but it’s what we knew as pre-party drinks).

The boys have not actually asked to host pre’s before, or even a gathering. I suspect it’s because they have what they would call the “world’s strictest parents”, and they just didn’t feel it was going to be considered, or they were too embarrassed to even have people here? Whatever the reason, it transpired that there was a party on in our neighbourhood that they were both invited to (in itself a rare event given their diverse circles of friends) and it was opportune to stop in for an hour or so for some pre-party drinks.

Now savvy Australian readers of my blog will know that to host a party and serve alcohol to under-age teenagers actually requires parental permission or the risk of a fine. You may well pass judgement on us, but we did allow our boys to host “pre’s” for a couple of hours at our home. For the record it was strictly BYO, we didn’t supply it to them. The party they were going to was also allowing them to all take in alcohol in “limited” quantities. So where would we rather they consume the alcohol? Certainly here is preferable to the local park (sound familiar)? And the advantage of hosting it was offering to supply food to the small number of attendees – there-in filling their stomachs and soaking up some of the alcohol. 🙂

The plan was naturally for Mother of a Man-Child, Father of a Man-Child and Sister of a Man-Child to make themselves extremely scarce, freeing up the family room as party central. One of the men-children not so subtly convinced me that the room needed to be de-cluttered (interpretation – can we remove all of 9-year-old Sister of a Man-Child’s artwork and toys from the room?). I explained that none of his friends would even notice it, but also agreed that we could remove it temporarily – it’s important when you’re a teenager to fit in remember. This stuff counts to some of them. His twin brother, being the exact opposite, was so laid back about the gathering he turned up 30 mins after all his friends and didn’t care where in the house they all gathered!!!

Suffice to say the pre’s were deemed successful. They all seemed to have a great time, and weren’t phased by the occasional presence of us in the kitchen. Sister of a Man-Child was adored by the teenage girls (“she’s so cute”), and Father of a Man-Child couldn’t resist talking to the pretty fillies, dressed up in fancy dress with plenty of bare flesh on display. He seemed to win a few fans himself! I played caterer and taxi driver to ensure they all made it to the party safely. And we notched up yet another milestone with our boys.

So, did we do the wrong thing? Certainly according to the law, we did. But with boys who are now old enough to drive a car, and boys who we know drink alcohol, are we just accepting that they are growing up? I guess it’s each to his own, for both parents and kids. I know some of my friends’ kids have less active social lives than my boys. Lucky them I say – there’s no rush to be an adult. But for us, this felt okay to do, and we made a decision and used our best judgement. And that’s what being a parent is, feeling your way every day, and facing new challenges with the breaking of every dawn. Sometimes it’s nice to see dusk trust me!

For the record, we have said no before, when one asked to host “pre’s” before the Spring Carnival races one year. Not on your nelly was the reply and for very good reason!!!! Read about it here.