Mother of a Man-Child

My life with teenage boys

The Stunted Mullet – A short tale November 2, 2012

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As the men-children get older, it becomes increasingly challenging to have them abide by our rules.  Threats coupled with parental anger are typically the winning combination, and this occasion proved to be no different.

I arrived home the other night and was immediately prompted to notice the new haircut of my son (Man-Child II).  He was sporting a very short haircut, one I call the skin-head/army reserve look, not that concerning really, as he always likes his hair short, and it does grow back pretty quickly. His twin brother (Man-Child I) then prompted me to take a closer look at the back of his head, to see the rest of the haircut.  Yes, causing trouble for his twin brother, naturally.

My first thought was that he had shaved something into his head.  I asked him if it was a swastika – since he didn’t even know what that was, unlikely that’s what I was about to see.  Instead, what I saw is this – which I quickly dubbed the “stunted mullet”.

mullet hairstyleThere is no point asking why they want a haircut like this – they’re teenagers, it’s what they do.  Setting new trends (?), looking like their peers (yes his mate has one too), not looking like their parents – it’s natural.  However, that doesn’t mean that our son should keep it!

Our immediate response was that he would have to shave it off that night, before attending school the next day.  Apart from us thinking he looked like a complete “bogan”, we didn’t think it was an appropriate haircut for school.  Naturally, there were two arguments that ran in tandem that night, that went something like this:


  • There are far more outrageous haircuts sported by other boys at school. (I am sure their parents are very proud).
  • What does it matter – it’s not hurting anyone. (Except your parents and twin-brother).
  • It’s better than a tattoo or eyebrow piercing.  (Yes it is for the moment).
  • It will grow back.  (Logic fail, as the mullet will just grow too).


  • It’s disrespectful towards the school.
  • It’s disrespectful towards your parents.
  • It’s disrespectful towards your grandfather who attended the same school and would be mortified to see you with this haircut.
  • Whilst you live in our house, under this roof, you will abide by our rules.
  • You look like a complete Bogan.

In the end, the final threat was that we would contact the school tomorrow and have them march him off the grounds to get a haircut if he didn’t remove it.  Whilst this might sound extreme, the school have been known to do that before with boys who have particularly inappropriate haircuts.  One of them being Man-Child II’s mate sometime last year.  They cut his hair at our home one afternoon, much to the amusement of Sister of a Man-Child and her friends.  It was basically shaved down one side, and left long on the other – NICE!  Clearly his mother had no luck convincing him to cut it, but the school certainly did the next day. 🙂

The last appeal to him was a text message (they can be effective sometimes, as they give them something to think about and don’t involve yelling), which went like this:

“Please remove that mullet tonight.  Don’t make us involve the school.  “What does it matter?” applies equally in reverse BTW.  If it’s such a small think but important to us that it goes, then you will remove it.  If you choose not to then the same lack of respect you choose to extend to us will be returned ten-fold to you.”  Thankfully he agreed to do it, the next day!

So off he went to school, sporting the stunted mullet for the day, returning home that evening to shave it off.  I must ask what his friends thought of it, or if any teachers noticed.

So a minor victory to the parents – this time.  Once he leaves school at the end of the year, we are clearly in trouble.  I fear the stunted mullet will be right at home at TAFE – oh well, I suppose I can live with it, if it means the eyebrow piercing and tattoo are delayed for a while longer.

We have endured the joys of teenage hairstyles before.  They seemed to have a liking for rats tails for a short period!!  Read more here.


Mother of a Man-Child: The Return of the Mullet? February 4, 2011

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In a somewhat ironic twist, it seems that being “Bogan” is somehow “in” with the very teenagers you would expect would shun this label.  Bogan-style talk and a penchant for the mullet haircut being two good examples amongst my man-child and his friends, along with skinny jeans and flannel shirts.  If they drove cars they’d have dice proudly hanging in the windscreen.

I kid you not, on more than one occasion at home Man-Child I has used language and speech that is positively Bogan – he sounds like a common gutter-mouth with no education and no manners.  His twin brother (Man-Child II) assures me that’s how he often speaks at school with his friends – wonderful!  They obviously think it’s funny and cool, although god only knows why?

Naturally in the presence of REAL Bogans (know as “muzzas” apparently), I expect all mimicking of this behaviour instantly ceases – lest they annoy the Bogans and get a good bollicking from them. 🙂

So our resident Bogan Man-Child I was on holidays recently with mates.  As one of them had hair clippers, for amusement they challenged my son to a dare.  They cut the sides of his hair short, leaving a nice tuft of hair down the middle of his head – yes a MULLET!!  As luck would have it they managed to botch it up completely, and subsequently had to give him a buzz cut to repair the poor styling.  Thank God is all I can say.  Although I would have liked to see a photo for my own amusement.

I have no problems with a buzz cut – it has many benefits including reduced risk of nits (thankfully a thing of the past for the men-children), dragging out the time between haircuts, and keeping Mother of a Man-Child’s hard earned money in her wallet longer.  In fact I’m so glad they like buzz cuts we’re giving them hair clippers for their birthday.  A wise investment so I won’t have to pay for haircuts ever again.  Akin to celebrating the time we had both of them toilet-trained and my 2-3 years of buying nappies and keeping Huggies in record profit was over.

BTW, if any of you are Bogans, my apologies if you are offended by this post.  Funnily it does make me wonder if the Bogans are getting about pretending to be uppity little private school boys with toffee voices and polos with collars standing up.  LOL.