Since I run such a successful hotel, I have decided to offer rooms for rent. After all, my current tenants (Man-Child and Teen-Child) certainly seem happy with the service, so I figure it’s time I made some money on the side.
After all, where else can you go for the following services, all at no cost:
- A fridge and pantry permanently full of food and drinks.
- Clothes picked up from the floor, and magically whisked away to the laundry for washing, folding, ironing at least twice a week, thereby ensuring you are never short of required clothing.
- Lunch (sandwiches) prepared fresh each morning with the ingredients of your choice.
- Hot and healthy dinner served daily with accompanying cold refreshments.
- Door to door taxi service available at your beck and call to transport you to numerous events, friends houses, sporting commitments etc.
- Empty plates/bowls automatically collected from the floor/wherever they are left and carted to the dishwasher for washing. Even the dishwasher in our hotel seems to remarkably empty itself each morning, thereby ensuring the “house guests” are not inconvenienced.
- Towels cleaned regularly (with or without dirty footprints) and sheets laundered.
- Homework assistance provided, and countless forms filled in for any school or club functions.
- Birthday and Christmas presents naturally provided, with all the magic of Santa Claus. Even gifts for friends and family are provided as required.
Of course the concierge (that would be me) can basically cater to your every need, so if the above list is missing anything, please let me know upon booking your room! 🙂
Mother of a Man-Child 
Good morning, I am enquiring about the possibility of booking myself into your fine establishment for an undetermined period of time.
I require full housekeeping, inhouse dining and transport services as advertised including a cup of tea in bed every morning.
Please note, would Ms Concierge have an additional service that may extend to looking after four children, one oversized dog and one adult (although this should be included in the price with the children as almost the same in requirements, needs and maturity)?
I eagerly await your response with bags already packed. PS My washing is dirty but I expect you to remedy this immediately on arrival!
LOL. Let me just clear out the pesky tenants I currently have and you can move in!!!
No animals allowed, so you might have to leave all your children at home?????