Mother of a Man-Child

My life with teenage boys

It’s quiet without the Men-Children January 27, 2012

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Australian FlagIt’s been a quiet week on the Man-Child front.  They headed off last week for five nights at a school rowing camp on the Tambo River.  It coincided with the hottest week of our summer so far  – just as well they were on water.  No doubt the next hottest one will be when the kids get back to school next week.  Isn’t that always the way?

I can’t tell you much about it – as is usual you don’t hear from them when they’re away unless you prompt them.  Father of a Man-Child was pretty active with texts and probably got a bit more information out of them.   He wanted to know how they were rowing, and if they were improving their times and winning.  I wanted to know if they were getting sunburnt and wearing hats!  Naturally we were both keen to hear all about it when they came home.

I left an Australia Day BBQ to pick them up on their return, only to drop them off home and head back to the party.  So we only had a quick debrief in the car – they admitted they were stuffed and keen to get home.  They said the camp was good, but hard – the healing blisters on their hands being testament to that!  5.30am starts, 3 rowing sessions a day, typical camp food.   Home to their own beds and a nice home-cooked meal by Mum – what bliss I thought.

By the time we returned from our party the boys were long gone – off to catch up with mates and girlfriends.  So much for tired!!! And so much for wanting a meal….probably hankering after some junk food anyway.   So any good camp stories will have to wait until next week – we should get some out of them over the dinner table tonight.

Sister of a Man-Child thoroughly enjoyed the week without her brothers. It’s probably a nice treat to have Mum and Dad all to yourself.  I expect the main thing she enjoyed was the quietness in the house – no arguing, no fighting, no screaming Mother, and when I bought a packet of hot cross buns they actually lasted the week and not 24 hours (you’ve got to be fast in our place normally).

So a belated Happy Australia Day to all.  We had a wonderful day with friends embracing the true meaning of the public holiday and celebrating our fortune to live in the lucky country.

 

We survived another school year (not without incident) December 2, 2011

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school booksFor all parents, the end of the school year is looming.  In no time the kids will all be on holidays for about two months (we workers can only wish), wondering what to do with themselves, and bleeding the parental ATM dry.

We survived the end of year exams, although the results are not in yet.  But that in itself is a major triumph, especially since we were at the school only a few weeks ago for a meeting to discuss one of the men-children and basically to receive a warning that his results would not be good.  (I really hope they’re wrong and we’re pleasantly surprised – is that naive or just optimistic?).  They basically told us that whilst they couldn’t fault our son’s commitment to sport at school, he needed to show similar commitment to academic subjects.  They, like most other mainstream schools, make no apologies for being an academic school first, with a multitude of other “opportunities” second.  It seemed a little late to be telling us this to be honest, although it didn’t come as a complete surprise.  You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink!  (Ditto homework).

Following our “meeting” we tried to ensure the men-children made the most of weekend study time.  That basically meant curtailing their social lives for two weekends and not allowing them out on a Saturday night.  As they still had serious sporting commitments, this wasn’t actually a bad idea in our minds.  However, in the eyes of men-children, spending a Saturday night at home with your parents is about the worst thing you can do.  Honestly, you should have heard the carry on.  You would have thought we’d asked them to walk naked down Glenferrie Road after school.

We also received some interesting correspondence from the school during the year about an “incident” involving both our men-children.  I can’t help but love the tone of carefully crafted letters to parents that are so politically correct in describing an event.  So the “serious incident” that involved a number of boys (including ours), followed “ongoing negative interactions” and “verbal interplay”, resulting in a “physical interaction” breaking out between some boys.  In other words a bunch of testosterone-laden boys who had been egging each other on all year finally had a shit fight and tried to punch the crap out of each other.  Thankfully both of our boys were deemed to be fringe dwellers only, and one was even credited with helping break up the fight. He later admitted that he’d actually managed to land a great punch, and even accidentally slugged one of his mates (LOL).  All part of being boys especially at an all boy’s school.  Of course I completely understand the school’s need to write a letter to all involved, and I’m thankful that ours didn’t do anything too bad.

As for how they’ll amuse themselves over the holidays – thankfully we love camps, and so do they!  Especially the summer camps and sporting camps that the school offer.  They will both be away before Christmas and again in late January.  We think it’s great for them to get away with mates on camp, and also to have time away from us.  We (that’s Father of a Man-Child, Sister of a Man-Child and myself) also enjoy the unusual dynamic that a house with a single child brings.  It’s incredibly quiet and we seem to enjoy spontaneous outings more frequently!!!

So onto the end of Year 9 and exam results next week.  You may recall the bribe we handed to the boys earlier this year – $100 for every B grade or better in their exams.  I suspect one will have a windfall shortly, and the other will be looking for lots of odd jobs he can do over the holidays. 🙂

Read about the bribery here.

 

Man-child free for five days–woohoo! September 16, 2011

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camp fireIt’s the end of Term 3 for the boys (where did it go I ask you) and the men-children are off on camp.  That’s the trade-off for having three weeks holiday – they go on a five-day school camp at the beginning.   One is off on Cadet Camp at Puckapunyal, and one is off to Glenelg River (Portland) on an Outdoor Ed camp.

One of the men-children has spent the week getting himself organised, looking at his list, organising tent hire, borrowing sleeping bags, packing etc.  We’ve been to the supermarket several times to buy his body weight in food (they have to carry it all themselves but that didn’t stop him loading up on ridiculous non-essential food items) and he’s all organised to head off in the morning.   As my sister said to him, make sure you eat up the heaviest food first – that 20kg pack is going to feel like about 120kg before he knows it.

The other man-child finally packed last night – no worries, it’s all the same stuff from last time – she’ll be right mate.  Yes, you guessed it, our man-child cadet.  The one who froze last time in his hutchie, because he wouldn’t listen to his parents to understand exactly what he was sleeping under (not in)!   He swears he’s got it covered this time – a warmer sleeping bag and a beanie is his version of improved warmth.  No thermals for this tough boy!  As they say, you can’t do it for them, so I guess he’ll learn for himself.  We haven’t seen his list at all, and he doesn’t even know what time he’s due at school in the morning.  Aaaarggh.

The men-children are just getting their last play fight in before five days apart.  They’ll probably miss each other, ironically, and be back at it within hours of returning home.  I’m just getting myself ready for the unnatural peace and quiet that will descend on the house, along with the bursting-with-food-fridge that won’t empty in a nanosecond, and the washing basket that will stay empty for an entire day or two.  Domestic bliss.

Sister of a man-child is probably relishing the thought of no screaming in the house for five days, and the undivided attention of her parents.  Of course we will miss them, by about day four!  I’ll be sure to regale you with any good stories from the camp in a future post.  No doubt they’ll enjoy being boys/men immensely, hopefully without any major incidents or injuries.

Read about the last cadet camp experience here:  Camping Man-Child Style and Freezing on Cadet Camp (the post-script)

 

Post-Script to The joys (or not) of Parent-Teacher interviews: 

As a follow-up to last weeks post, we did actually make enquiries at the school about a spot for one of the men-children in boarding school for a term.  Our reasoning being the study routine might benefit him and help create some good habits ahead of next year.

Sadly I received a call today from the school – they won’t take him.  Not CANT, they WON’T.  That’s right, our man-child’s reputation is so bad they don’t want him in the boarding house.  Something to be proud of – NOT!!

 

Mother of a Man-Child: Freezing on Cadet camp! July 8, 2011

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coldLast week Man-Child II headed off on his Cadet Bivouac, in the midst of a Melbourne winter, with only the bare essentials in his pack, in true army-camp style.  When I say bare essentials, I mean the minimum stuff he needed, compiled at the last-minute by Man-Child II, who resisted taking the recommended clothing allowance for extra warmth (as always).  He’s a man-child after all – bred tough, lacking logic, not open to parental advice – perfectly normal really.

When he arrived home my first question was “So how was it?”  The response:  “Good, but it was FREEZING!”  At this point I resisted the urge to run around the house yelling “I told you so” and simply asked (without a hint of smugness I swear) if in retrospect he thought the beanie and gloves and extra jumper would have been useful after all?  To my surprise he actually admitted that yes, it would have helped.

First up, they slept in Hutchies – quite literally under a light-weight canvas tarp that probably does nothing except reduce the amount of condensation that settles on those beneath it.  As Man-Child II indignantly pointed out to me, it didn’t keep the wind out at all!  Nope, it wouldn’t, and we had told our “seasoned” cadet what his “tent” would resemble on camp and he clearly hadn’t listened.  Otherwise he might have understood why we were encouraging the extra layers for warmth.

As it turns out, our son was not alone.  The entire cadet camp almost froze in the near zero conditions on both nights (at least it didn’t rain).  They all resorted to wearing every piece of clothing they had, including army uniform, Japara, and even wrapped towels around their heads under closed sleeping bag hoods, leaving only a slit for they eyes/nose.  And they STILL froze.   Yep, I guess that beanie and extra jumper and gloves and good Explorer socks (not useless thin sports socks) would have come in handy after all.  In retrospect I admit we actually should have given him a warmer sleeping bag.  The one he has is a good quality one, very warm, but really you need the ones that keep you warm in the snow-line when you’re out in the elements like this.  Isn’t hindsight wonderful!

Apart from the cold, he survived leeches (yuk), night-time forest challenges, rifle training and army ration food.  I asked how the food was, he said you would probably get used to powdered milk on your cereal and mushy stew for dinner – everything tastes OK when you’re hungry.  But a few days later when I offered him some tasty curry for dinner he said he’d had enough of “stews” for a little while yet.  At least he’d had access to a stove on camp (having forgotten to collect one in advance) so he hadn’t had to eat cold stew and uncooked noodles – LOL.

So the moral to the story – men-children don’t listen.  Like countless adolescents before them, including yours truly, they learn best through experience, certainly not by being told by an adult what is good for them.  That’s part of the fun of growing up I suppose, and part of the fun of being an adult and watching them work it all out for themselves. 🙂

Here’s the lead up to camp:  Camping Man-Child Style!

 

 

Mother of a Man-Child: Trouble on school camp! March 25, 2011

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“Hello Mrs M (that’s me, Mother of a Man-Child), it’s Mr Y from the Z school camp.  There’s been an incident involving your son!”  This phrase is enough to propel any parent into a momentary panic attack. My first irrational thought: “OMG, is he okay?”  This is followed shortly after by “Right, what the hell has he done now!!!”

And so it was that Man-Child II found himself on a “retreat” with the school, designed to give 15-year-old boys some time to reflect on their adolescent journey, and to grow up a little as they enter the serious end of their education.  Clearly my son decided it was an opportunity to demonstrate that he wasn’t quite up to the task!!!

It seems Man-Child II had successfully thrown an aerosol can into the fire on camp, which naturally enough exploded about 10 seconds later.  Apparently it sounded like a shotgun going off, so you can imagine the initial panic by the teachers.  He tells me he was the only one of his friends who volunteered (stupidly) to throw it and that it was a pretty lucky shot from a distance!

Once calm had been restored, and it was clear what had happened (yes with my son the only culprit) they then had to decide how to respond.  Since the incident was deemed serious enough, especially since it could have resulted in an injury to someone, the decision was made to send him home early from camp.  Hence their call to me, the lucky parent.

My first thought: “Great, a trip to Healesville and back on a week night.  Fabulous, can’t wait to spend two hours in the car tonight!”  (Sadly we all sign a form agreeing to fetch our wayward children in the event of any such incident like the above.   You hope they’re not at the snow trust me!)  My second thought was “Gee, I wonder if this will be enough to have him asked to leave the school?”, since it’s not the first time he’s come to the attention of the vice-principal.  However, whilst they considered it a serious error of judgment on my son’s part, they also acknowledged it as a “stupid teenage boy thing” so he received a Saturday detention and was sent home early as punishment.  Along with the mandatory lectures from a few different teachers along the way, oh and of course Mother and Father of a Man-Child!!

Ironically he thought that it was far better being driven home by one of his teachers than having to sit on the bus.  Lucky for me, said teacher was attending a dinner on their last night and so was able to bring him home and save me a trip.

His brother Man-Child I left for his retreat this week.  As he got out of the car I simply said “Please don’t get sent home from camp, I couldn’t bear it”.

P.S.  Apologies to those subscribers who received a blog notification three times last week via an unexplained glitch – clearly WordPress shared my excitement about the boys moving upstairs!!!

 

 

Mother of a Man-Child: Boys will be Boys on Camp January 21, 2011

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Over the summer holidays the Men-Children attended camp for a week.  It was actually run by their school.  As surprising as this may seem during the two-month long holidays that private schools enjoy, clearly someone wiser than myself understands the need for Men-Children and their parents to have a break from each other over this extended period.

The boys had wanted to attend this camp last year (at the end of Year 7).  As the camp fell in the first week of January, right when most families have their annual summer holiday together, I was adamant they should not go.  My husband agreed.  And so they didn’t.  Clearly these were signs of a mother desperate to retain a sense of control, and to hang onto the last remnants of family holidays as they slowly dissipated before her eyes.

This year the boys ended up on camp almost by mistake.  When we initially signed the paperwork it was for the senior camp in December, which I thought was a great idea as they have the entire month to do not much in my view.  A great way to fill in time and keep them off the streets quite frankly.  I much preferred primary school when they finished four days before Christmas.

The school contacted Mother of a Man-Child to confirm their attendance and the dates – yes in the first week of January.  Right in the middle of a holiday with their cousin from interstate and their grandfather, during our last stay at the family beach house (now sold).  Whilst my immediate response was “absolutely not”, I then gave consideration to the reasons we might let them go (apart from the fact that they wanted to).  In the end, common sense prevailed.  I figured that after a week with us at the beach, complaining that “it’s BORING, why can’t we have a house at Portsea, NONE of our friends are here, blah, blah” we would be more than happy to see them head off for five days and enjoy some respite from them.  Obviously there’s no doubt the feeling was reciprocal!!!

And yes for those who are thinking what spoilt children, even having a beach house to go to during summer, when it costs most families an arm and a leg to rent a beach house from the orthodontist you’ve made rich during the year whilst paying for Man-Childs teeth to be perfect, I agree.  And certainly they don’t appreciate our little sleepy hollow, complete with dirt roads and a general store, and no pub at all to attract feral young adults or Bogans.  It’s parent heaven – but clearly not teen heaven.

So off they went to camp, with much excitement and anticipation.  My excitement at five days of peace, theirs at five days of no nagging mother, being with mates, access to every water sport imaginable, and not one scrap of hygiene to worry about during the time.  Alas no amount of reminding Man-Child II to take his toothbrush worked.  He didn’t!  As he said “Who cares if you don’t brush your teeth or shower for five days – that’s what we do on every school camp.”  I’ll tell you who cares – me, and the orthodontist, that’s who.  Gross!

The upshot – my Men-Children had a great time at camp.  They came back tanned (with the mandatory sun burnt noses), looked like they’d grown two inches whilst away and developed yet more manly muscles, and were bursting with tales of what went on.  Not surprisingly most of these they were keen to share with their father not me (yep, I am getting used to this idea, very, very slowly).

They had been water-skiing, sailing, donut-ing, surfing, swimming and everything in between.  As the camp was run by Year 12 boys, and the attending boys are heading into Year 9, it also served as an “initiation” rite of sorts, with lots of boys pranks naturally.  Man-Child I was involved in one where he and a mate had to walk through the local supermarket dressed as girls.   Man-Child II proudly showed a video on his phone of the destruction of the camp mascot (a frog), to much hilarity.   (No live animals were harmed).

For my boys, this was just the sort of boisterous, boys-to-men stuff they like.  And probably just what they needed after living with their “psycho” mother all year.   No doubt it will be a unanimous decision to attend camp again next year. 🙂

 

Mother of a Man-Child: Travelling Light Teenager Style September 10, 2010

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Have you ever watched a teenager pack to go away?  Girls being girls they pack everything except the kitchen sink.  I mean you can never have too many pairs of shoes can you?  Boys on the other hand are in the minimalist camp – why take something just in case – that’s excess baggage!

Typically as a mother I always worry about what my Men-Children pack to go away.  If it’s a school camp, I insist they take absolutely everything on the list provided (yes, I was always very obedient).  If we’re going on holidays, I like to have a list so we don’t forget anything.  They on the other hand are always aiming for light and lean – why take long johns on a winter camp to the foot of the snow ranges – it won’t be cold Mum.   Clearly they didn’t attend the Boy Scouts (motto “Be prepared”).

My favourite is overnight stays.  That takes packing light to another dimension.  Basically, my boys pack nothing.  Nada.  Zip.  They go in the clothes they have on their back, and come home in the same clothes.  They don’t take a change of jocks, or a toothbrush, or deodorant.  I thought it was only my two but when their mate turned up at the door the other night to stay, I was greeted by a boy with the same approach.  His mother didn’t seem phased by it, and surprisingly nor was I – I was actually amused and quietly relieved that I don’t have the only unhygienic children in Melbourne.

The funniest was Man-Child II who recently travelled to Tasmania to play rugby.  As they were representing school they had to travel in their school uniforms (yes they were not impressed) and appear in them each day, before the match.  Both my son and another boy who were billeted out decided the only sensible thing to do was to sleep in their school uniforms!  That meant they didn’t have to change from boxers into school uniform into rugby uniform twice a day.  I guess it’s efficient, but not what I call normal.  I can only hope their hosts assumed they were eager to get dressed each morning, and didn’t realise they had actually slept in their school suits.  Just as well I wasn’t there to see my son looking decidedly dishevelled in his uniform each day! 🙂