Mother of a Man-Child

My life with teenage boys

Not THAT sort of job…… June 29, 2012

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burgerAs you know both the boys have been “job-hunting”, in a roundabout way.  One Man-Child recently got himself into a pyramid selling scheme with promises of making millions if he recruited friends of friends to also sell said product.  He’s yet to see one cent!

The other Man-Child seemed to have more promising prospects, when he advised me that he was being offered a job by his girlfriend’s sister, in a cafe.  Excellent, it sounded great, complete with training and it was to be local when she opened a second shop.

It’s funny, and perhaps not intentional, that men-children don’t share all the information with you all the time.  Either they just don’t think it’s relevant, or they know that certain information will in fact lead you down a different path of questioning or to a different decision.

As it transpired, there were a few issues in relation to the “cafe” job.  It started with a requirement for him to sign a contract for a four year “Traineeship” as part of a Certificate 3 in Retail.  Yes he needs training, but he doesn’t need a Cert 3 in Retail over four years!  It’s a casual job!  Hmmm, just like the well-publicised case last year about Brumby’s signing up school kids to benefit from a $4,000 government grant.  I was concerned about the contract “we” were being asked to sign as guardian, moreover, I was worried as our son wants an apprenticeship eventually, and some friends in the know had warned me it could jeopardise future funding for him.

A chat to both the cafe owner and an apprenticeship officer didn’t allay my fears 100%.  The urgency to sign said contract by June 30, even though the new venue hadn’t yet opened, left me feeling a little uneasy.  A few days later, whilst I was still mulling over the contract, my son called late one night and asked if he could start his “training” early, like that evening, with his girlfriend, doing the 11pm to 5am shift on a Saturday night.  What????  As he’d been sick earlier that week, and he had rugby training the following day, the answer was a flat no!  An easy decision to make.  However I then spent a sleepless night tossing and turning, surfing the net and uncovering more detail about the cafe and putting two and two together.

I knew it was a burger joint – no issue there – I love a good burger too.  I then discovered it’s open 24/7 over weekends and from the online reviews I found, you can imagine the clientele it attracts?  Yep, the inebriated late night dwellers in need of a feed.  A sudden realisation then dawned on me which was confirmed the next day by Man-Child – yes they actually work alone in the shop on the night shift, even if they’re 15 or 16 year old boys or girls.  Gulp.  Nope.  Not on my watch.  Sorry, my Man-Child is NOT working there.  That sealed the deal for us.  The answer was simple – no we would not sign the contract, no he would not work there.

Someone said to me the other day, I’m sure Man-Child could look after himself.  And yes, I suppose he probably could.  But as a mother, do I want to put my son at risk unnecessarily?  No I do not.  Am I being paranoid?  Probably. 🙂

When we told Man-Child about our decision, he was understandably furious.  And not surprisingly, he said, well I found a job, and so if you don’t want me to work there, then you’ll have to keep funding me.  Man-Child 1: Parent 0.

Here’s how the conversation went with the pyramid selling job: Man-Child has a job – sort of!

 

Men-Children and Man-Colds June 22, 2012

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tissuesIt’s been a long week in the Man-Child house, with both boys suffering illnesses.  One of the boys started with a head cold and developed gastro on top of it – so yes a day off school, a no-show at rugby, and pretty crook.  Of course that didn’t stop his GF (did I mention it’s back on following the world’s shortest break-up) from coming over to infect herself with his germs – are they mad?

His twin brother was 100% sure he was going to catch something – I think he practically convinced himself he would get the gastro bug also.  Fortunately he didn’t but he did get a good dose of the man-flu, the serious variety.  Of course it started on Friday night, and when he mentioned he had a party to go to I gave him a quick talking to about the need to have an early night and get some rest so he could play school football the following morning.  In other words I said NO you can’t go out.

So you can imagine our surprise whilst out with friends when we received a text message followed by a phone call from man-child telling us he was indeed going out and would be home later.  Yep, have I mentioned before how obedient my teenage boys are?  He got an instant lecture from me by phone and a guarantee that if he chose to go out I didn’t care how sick he was the following morning, he would be fronting up to footy.  Naturally, he went out.  So I had great delight in waking him up at 6.30am the following morning to drop him at the school bus to head to Geelong for his footy game.  He was pretty sick I have to admit, and if it wasn’t for the night before I would have said he didn’t need to go, but I was determined to stick to my guns.  I picked him up in the afternoon from school, a washed out wreck who crashed and burned.  Call me mean, but sometimes they need a lesson in tough love.  He’s still sick a week later, so it really was the man-flu in his case.

Before you think I am totally lacking any sympathy, I have done several drug runs to the chemist.  I’ve also suggested he head to the doctor, just in case it’s gone to his chest and needs antibiotics.

Thankfully the rest of the household has so far been spared the man-cold, and let’s hope it stays that way.  Meanwhile both the boys will be well just for the beginning of their THREE week school holidays – lucky them.  This holiday completely caught me by surprise, as I thought they still got three weeks in September, but no they’ve moved it to July to align with many other schools.  Whoops.  No vacation plans, sorry boys.  Happy holidays at home over winter…..

Have you endured a man-cold this winter?  Are you full of sympathy, and the master of chicken soup?  Or would you have sent him to footy unwell?  I’d welcome your thoughts.

We have survived illness before – when they were babies on holidays.  It made for a good story – read about it here:  The Holiday from Hell.

 

Warm Memories June 15, 2012

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heaterThere is a habit my men-children have, that is probably quite unique to Melbourne children.  It only happens in the depths of winter, and it’s still something they do even at 16 years old.  When it’s cold their favourite thing to do is to “lie on the heater”.  By that I mean lying over the central heating duct, normally with a large blanket over themselves, to capture all the warm air, and appearing to be in a state of bliss.

It’s a childhood habit – aren’t they lucky to have grown up with central heating in the first place, and one they haven’t grown out of.  They both had a duct in their rooms when they were small, and I would often find them lying on the carpet with their “blankies” to warm up.  When they moved upstairs (where there are no heating vents of course) the habit remained.  So I will often find one of them parked at the base of the stairs, sitting right on top of the heater, and yes, completely blocking the stairway for someone else.  They have even been known to fight over this spot!

On occasions Sister of a Man-Child will find a large 16-year-old boy sprawled on the floor in her bedroom (it used to be his bedroom so I think that’s why he likes it), or I will walk into our bedroom to find another large 16-year-old on the floor, complete with blanket, laptop, mobile phone, and empty bowls under the bed “doing homework”.   Somehow lying down, and being on a warm heater doesn’t feel conducive to the brain really working well does it?  But trying telling that to a 16-year-old who knows everything.

Of course those who are my age know too well how spoilt today’s children are with the luxuries of ducted heating (and many others).  We certainly didn’t have it when I was a kid, but I do remember very clearly what we had.  It was an upright wall heater, just near the lounge room, which worked on a thermostat, so naturally came on and off.  My father (in his wisdom) told us as small children that the quickest way to get it working was to blow on it!!!!  So every night, wrapped in our towels straight after the bath, you would find four small girls standing in front of the heater blowing madly to make it come on faster.  I don’t know how long we did that for, but eventually we grew out of the habit.  I don’t ever remember Dad telling us it was a joke, but we obviously worked that out at some stage.  I didn’t try that on my boys when they were small – maybe I thought the vision of a child blowing at the floor was just too ridiculous. 🙂

Do you have any childhood memories triggered by things your own children do?  What small events cast you back to your own time as a kid?  Are they fond memories or not?  I’d love to hear from you.

I’ve written before about memories of my own childhood and of the “famous” Hurdy Gurdy in our backyard.

 

Man-Child has a job – Sort Of! June 8, 2012

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fish hookAs you know I am keen for the men-children to have jobs.  For two main reasons: firstly so they stop putting their hands out for money every week (which they don’t do anything to earn), and second to teach them responsibility and a little business sense gained through working.

One of the men-children has made more efforts than his brother to get a regular job.  But as I doled out yet another note to him the other day (why is it I always have a $50 when I need a $20), I asked him how the job hunting was going, especially since rowing is over, and he now only has one sporting commitment on the weekend.  And do you know what he said to me?  He told me he’d put his resume into every shop in our local area, and no-one had given him a job, and anyway (and I quote here) “why don’t you get me a job”!!!!

Well, you can imagine how that went down can’t you?  So he got a few lessons in life about job-hunting from me.  It went something like this:

  1. A job won’t find you – you find the job.  Your resume will go in a file (or bin) with about 20 others from that week, and that’s where it will stay.  It won’t sit on the top screaming give HIM the job.
  2. You should drop into the places you want to work regularly.  For two reasons: you might just be there on the day they’re thinking about hiring someone.  Or when they do come to hire the next person, they’ll remember the kid who drops in regularly and say lets give him a go.
  3. You should think beyond your own nose!  He has so far visited the businesses within walking distance of our home.  I said why don’t you go a short tram or bike ride down the hill to the next suburb and see if you can get a job somewhere there?  I recall travelling some distance to my casual job every week, and didn’t even think about it.
  4. As for the last comment, I said I didn’t have friends who ran the sort of businesses that could offer him a casual job.  What I didn’t say was that based on your attitude I wouldn’t find you a job even if I could, because I don’t want my sons growing up thinking nepotism is the answer to all their problems!!

I like to think when he made the comment about me finding him a job, he didn’t quite mean it to come out that way.  But apparently since some of his friends have parents who have indeed found their sons jobs, I’m not sure.  So be it – I am not them!

Since our little discussion about job-hunting, an opportunity has in fact presented itself to Man-Child I.   He was invited along to an “information” session the other night by a school peer, about a health-related product that he could help sell.  The information session (think sales pitch) was very successful – my son came home having drunk the Kool-Aid and espousing the virtues of said product and all the money he could make selling it.   He told me all the wonderful things about the product (scientifically proven of course), how a famous footballer had been at the meeting and talked about how good the product was, he showed me the fancy bag with all the shiny literature in it, and told me he was going to have other people selling it, and he’d even make money out of them too.

Pyramid selling at its best?  The way he talked about it reminded me of a successful drug-pushing network.  So Mother of a Man-Child gave him a few lessons in sales (they will tell you ANYTHING), and how it really works (you won’t get rich overnight), and what it really costs (the product is actually pretty expensive), and that they key to success was finding a market to buy the product, and at the prices they sold stuff, I wasn’t sure his school mates could afford it.

I also Googled the name of the company and showed him what some people had to say about this worldwide “conglomerate” and the fact that they promise you’ll make gazillions of dollars, but that really most people don’t make much at all.   That took the shine of it for him!!!  I also suggested he ask his cousin who has some knowledge in this area what he thought of the product (he endorsed it which was something).

So my Man-Child has drunk the last of the Kool-Aid and signed up as a “distributor” of the said “miracle” product.  I said go for it, so long as you go into it with your eyes wide open, and don’t ask me to buy the product from you so you can make sales.  I figure there’s nothing to lose, and something to gain – perhaps some money, but more importantly an insight into how these businesses operate, and what “selling” is really all about.  I’ll keep you posted, and I promise not to offer to sell you anything! 🙂

PS.  All job hunting tips welcome, and of course job offers for a kid who really does want a job!!

 

Not always the perfect parent June 1, 2012

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bookBeing a mother is a lot of things – joyful, fearful, enlightening, loving, exhausting, rewarding, hilarious, chaotic, spontaneous and so the list goes on.  And being a mother, we naturally wear many hats – teacher, cleaner, mentor, dishwasher, driver, cook, diplomat, doctor, psychologist (oh and wife, friend, daughter, sister as well).   When you sign up for the parenting gig, there’s no going back – it’s 365 days a year, 24/7.  As my father-in-law once said – you’re a parent for life.  You never really stop worrying about your kids – right until the day you leave the earth.

I think he’s 100% right, but quite frankly sometimes the relentlessness of parenting just wears you down.  I have no doubt that I am not the perfect parent.  Certainly I am not in the eyes of my men-children – oh no.  The perfect parent doesn’t make you do homework, but lets you go out whenever you want, doesn’t make you tidy your room, or nag you to take off your filthy footy boots rather than wear them through the house, and gives you an unending supply of cash to fund everything your heart desires.  The perfect parent has a great relationship with their teenager, and somehow always knows what to say to them when they’re angry or hurt, or annoyed, or worried (and don’t want to tell you).  The imperfect parent (guilty) just seems to spend a lot of time yelling at them to do the stuff they need to do, or wondering how it is they are so disrespectful towards me and how did I not manage to teach them that they can’t speak to their mother like that?  Worse still as the imperfect parent swears at them, should she be surprised when they choose to do it back?  (yep, guilty).

The perfect parent knows to count to ten, and not lose her cool, and not make idle threats, and not say things she shouldn’t.  Sadly, I have never been good at counting to ten – it’s not in my nature!

I’m not sure I am the perfect parent even in the eyes of Sister of a Man-Child.  When you hear “It’s okay mum, I know you’re too busy to help me/play with me/talk to me”, the feelings of failure are immense.  Is my life so damn packed full of stuff I have to do that even my youngest child is missing out on the love and attention she deserves from her parents?  Are we just so driven to do everything we have to do that we don’t stop for the very important things (but somehow not a deadline driven task) such as reading a book to our child, or listening to what they need to tell us?

That’s when being a working mother can take its toll on you emotionally.  When you almost feel like you are juggling so many balls in the air that you’re in danger of dropping them all.  Along the way you feel like you are half doing everything.   So you’re running out of time to answer all those emails at night, you’re a stressed wife with too much to do and barely time to exchange words, let alone have a nice conversation with your husband, you’re a useless class rep who’s not really doing what good class reps do, or you’re thinking about the sport commitments for the weekend and which child you will miss seeing play yet again?  And while we do all this, we have the iPhone, or iPad, or laptop within easy reach, all trying to grab our attention and distract us further.

I recently had the chance to head away for 4 days for a “work trip” (okay, so there wasn’t any work at all), a short break from the madness of life in general.  The absolute bonus when I got there was that none of my devices worked, so I was effectively disconnected from the world back home.  Can I tell you it was liberating.  I switched off completely, indulged in reading books (my child-free holidays are often spent devouring a good novel), and just spent time doing nothing.  It was soooooo good.  Did I miss home?  Nope, not in only four days.  I just lapped up the fact that I didn’t have to wash or cook for anyone else, that I could drink champagne for breakfast if I chose (I didn’t), go for a walk if I chose, go to bed early if I chose, or just lie by the pool and let time drift by.

Did it help me be a better parent?  Probably not.  But it did restore some balance in my life, some me-time, some think time, some free time.  As for parenting, I really wouldn’t give it (or them) up for the world (but it was nice to for four short days).  Sometimes it’s okay to be selfish. 🙂

So hands up, who else is a perfect parent?  I’ll feel much better if someone would tell me I’m normal!!

Of course it’s not all bad, as this post shows.   The Men-Children really do love me. 

 

Should Man-Child Leave School? May 25, 2012

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rowingThey joys of parenting includes surviving the highs and lows of your children’s school years.  From the excitement of the kinder and primary years (such times of innocence and youthful enthusiasm) to the more serious journey into adulthood that secondary school marks.

Our boys enjoyed wonderful years in their primary school.  They had great teachers, made wonderful friends, and both did well academically and on the sporting field.  Happy times in a school with only 300 kids and a wonderful sense of community.

Then off to “big school” from Year 7, into an all boys’ school, which is well suited to our men-children.  It’s a large school, with great facilities, catering to diverse interests of the school population.  And very well versed in how to care and manage for boys on their journey through adolescence and beyond.

In the last 3.5 years we have certainly enjoyed the fruits of their sporting excellence, but it has to be said neither has excelled academically.  That in itself is not an issue, we can’t all be good at everything.  Our hope is merely that they apply themselves diligently and make the most of every opportunity they are given at school.  What we don’t enjoy is knowing that they are in fact intelligent, but not really making the effort required to excel in their studies.

To be fair, one of the men-children is pretty diligent, and doing okay (not amazingly, but well enough).  Let’s just say ahead of the recent careers night I did advise him bluntly that law and medicine were probably not worth pursuing, unless he’s been hiding the report that shows straight A’s!!   Sadly, our other man-child has really not applied himself well to academia at all.  The parent-teacher interviews have been pretty repetitive over the years – very capable, but not really living up to his potential (read LAZY).   And that attitude has extended to homework (not really bothered to do it if the subject didn’t interest him), and more recently school punctuality (why rush when you can sleep in after mum and dad have gone to work?), resulting in a familiarity with key teachers/staff in the school that we’d rather not have.  This familiarity is the result of countless email exchanges, meetings, and phone calls over the years about our son.

We considered boarding school once for him – ironically his own school wouldn’t take him – he was seen as too disruptive!!!  We also considered shifting schools – perhaps he would be better with a fresh start, away from his twin?  I spoke to a few schools, one of which provided us with amazing advice and guidance about surviving the teenage years at school and recommending that we didn’t shift him at all, because the results would be far worse.   (Then again, maybe he was just trying to discourage us from sending him there – LOL!)

The reality following work experience and a recent careers night is that our son is not an academic and doesn’t thrive in the learning environment typically offered by mainstream schools and universities.  He’s just not interested enough.    He knows he doesn’t want to be office bound, but wants to do some sort of trade, and work outdoors.  He loved his recent work experience stint with a builder, spending the day with tradies, doing physical work, driving utes, etc.  So you can imagine how he finds the regime that is school – NOT!  So we finally bit the bullet and seriously looked into VCAL – the TAFE alternative to Year 11 and/or 12, where they can commence studies in a chosen trade ahead of applying for an apprenticeship.   And to be honest, what we found seems the perfect mix for our man-child.   A blend of hands on learning about a chosen trade, coupled with general Maths and English units, and other life skills to ensure they’re still educated to an acceptable level.   We’d rather he be happy and engaged at “school” than stuck in a system that doesn’t work for him.  Who knows, he might one day decide he wants to do further study, and being his own decision he would probably apply himself.  Countless people before him have done the same and gone on to be very successful.

We have discussed the possibility of him leaving to do VCAL with his current school, and they have been extremely supportive, both about our potential decision to leave the school at year-end, but also about the chance to retain him at the school if he wishes to stay on.  It’s almost a relief to have it on the table (probably for our son as much as us), but also an added incentive for him to complete Year 10 well since it’s a pre-requisite for VCAL.

One large regret for us if he leaves the school is him also leaving the school community and the sporting opportunities that he has so far enjoyed.   But to be honest we’re probably more worried about that than our son.   He can still pursue sport outside his current school – it just won’t have the cache that some of the private schools associate with sporting excellence, and again, maybe that just isn’t important to him?

So it may be a very different year for our boys next year, especially if they both find themselves at different schools.  My prediction is that one will go to trade school, work full-time, buy his longed for ute with his hard-earned money and move out (he wants his independence desperately), whilst his brother will go to uni, and be a poor student for years, living at home with Mum and Dad.  As I’ve said before, they’re very different, and no doubt their lives will head in very diverse directions, but I know they’ll be great mates when they’re older, just like me and my twin sister, and hopefully they’ll both agree that we did everything we could to support them through their school lives and beyond.

You can read about the joys of Parent-Teacher interviews here.  As I said, rarely enjoyable.

 

My Twins: Definitely Different! May 18, 2012

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boysNot surprisingly, our twin boys are extremely different, especially since they are fraternal (non-identical) twins.  Like me and my twin sister, they really are chalk and cheese.  Yes they are both sporty, excelling at rowing, football and rugby, but that’s where the differences end.  They are both charming young men when they want to be, and personable to anyone they meet, but their personalities are very different and have been from day one.

I am not complaining about this – we like the fact they are different, and have always sought to separate them at school and encourage them to have their own circle of friends and interests.  Aside from personality differences (not readily noticed by someone who may not know them intimately), there are other more tangible differences you can notice immediately.

For starters, they look very different.  Their faces are different (I don’t think they even look like brothers) and where one has always had a typical boys build, the other went through a pudgy stage before his teenage growth spurt.   They are now both well-built, muscly boys, but if you look closely again you can see physical differences in their muscle development and body shape.

They dress differently too – with completely divergent tastes in clothing.  One is very interested in how he looks and what he wears, whilst the other considers clothing to be just that – not a fashion statement but a practical item you wear for modesty, warmth etc.  If his girlfriend had her choice, she’d like his twin brother’s wardrobe on him!

Their differences are also borne out at home.  Take their bedrooms – one is relatively tidy, and generally presentable for a teenage bedroom, the other is a “tip”, full of the detritus of everyday living – three wet towels on the floor, rubbish in the corner (where it’s been for 4 weeks), dirty socks, school shirts, pens, electronic gadgets, food wrappers etc.  The list goes on.  The cleaners recently piled it all into a corner so they could vacuum the carpet – I got really excited he had finally succumbed to his own filth and cleaned the mess up until we found the Mt Everest of teenage life behind the bedroom door.

These habits extend to their general living quarters and cause quite a bit of angst.  Naturally one of the men-children likes to keep the bathroom and lounge area neat and tidy (just like his parents actually).  You can imagine the stress then of living with his twin who drops everything on the bathroom floor (and leaves it there) and uses the coffee table like you would a dishwasher, for a growing pile of dirty glasses, bowls and plates.  Maybe he’d like to be a scientist, since he’s often cultivating penicillin in their lounge room!

It drives one of the men-children absolutely mad (as it does me).  Occasionally I crack it and make my son do a tidy up (trust me it’s excruciating to watch the slowness with which he tackles this chore), but for the most part, I just let them sort it out amongst them.  I guess I consider it one of life’s lessons.  You can’t always choose who you live with, and we’re all different, so they have to learn to get along in the world and live with imperfections or they’ll go crazy.

I do observe this with a sense of sympathy and amusement, having lived in close quarters with my own twin, who it’s fair to say was just like my untidy son.  We however shared our bedroom for 14 years.  It must have been quite amusing for my parents to look into our room and see the perfection and neatness of a spotless room on one side and the dishevelment on the other.  I recall one day putting a line of masking tape down the middle of the room so her detritus could live on her side and not infringe mine.

Their approach to school is what you might expect having read the above.  One man-child is pretty self-motivated and diligent, both in class and at home, so he seems to have his school work reasonably under control and we don’t have to ride him very often.  On the flip side his brother is constantly behind at school, not doing the work, takes forever to finish things (much to his teacher’s frustration and ours) and is just not highly motivated by anything academic related.  Being in year 10 this has led to a number of issues, which have recently come to a head.  More news on that in another post.

So yes they are very different.  Just like many siblings are different.   Does it make it harder when you’re a twin to be different?  Does it make it easier for people to compare you?  Does it make it worse for one twin if any imperfections are amplified?  To be honest Father of a Man-Child and I differ on this.  Strangely he seems to think it’s more of an issue than me (the twin).  I guess I just see two very different children, who happen to be the same age making their journey through adolescence.  Whereas he sees two competitive young men, with successes and/or failures in different things, the latter potentially amplified with a negative effect.

What do you think?  As a sibling or parent?  Is this worse for twins, or is it just part of being a unique individual growing up in a family?

Apologies to my readers who think this story is familiar, I have written about it before:  Living with Man-Child Mess.  It’s clearly a sore point!

 

Sister of a Man-Child: Here comes the Attitude. May 11, 2012

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OMGIt’s been a while since I wrote about Sister of a Man-Child.  She’s a darling 8-year-old most of the time, and really a very easy going, and thoughtful child.  But sometimes she can take me by surprise, and cause me to reflect on the world around her and just what impact the behaviour of the Men-Children and we as parents have on her, considering she lives in an “adult” world a lot of the time.

Of course, there are other influences in her life also – the media, her friends, her teachers.  I can only guess as to the source of influence for a recent text message I received from her whilst at work:  “I hate my life!”  I kid you not – that’s exactly what she wrote.   I rang home immediately in case she was seriously suicidal, only to find out that a small incident had occurred with her brother/father and she was basically having a sulk.  I am confident she learned to be a drama queen from the countless Foxtel/Disney teenage shows she watches – some saccharine sweet, but clearly some not quite so.  Most of them drive me insane and I regularly demand they be turned off.

I totally blame these shows (and also the Men-Children) for her latest outburst.  Upon learning we were going out for dinner and she would need a babysitter (admittedly we had an unusually busy week and I had been “out” every night at some function or meeting) she declared at the dinner table “Are you serious!”  (insert indignant tone of voice).  I was gobsmacked to say the least, and immediately angry, and said she was NOT to speak to us with that attitude again.  Cue tears – suddenly a small 8-year-old girl not a teenager with attitude!

She also recently started walking around the house, saying to me BTW, blah blah…..so not “By the way”, but literally “BTW”.  When I asked her why she was talking in abbreviations, she said she liked it.  Hmmm.  Just like teenagers like it.  You may have noticed that “OMG” and  “LOL” are not acronyms any longer, but “words”.   I said please talk to me in proper English and save the text language for the iPod/iPhone thanks.   I really wonder what we’re breeding some days and whether or not our children will be able to write or speak using correct English.   Was I being too mean?  Was she just experimenting with language?  Or am I right to nip this in the bud?

When it comes to her brothers, Sister of Man-Child doesn’t want much from the Men-Children – just their love and a little attention from time to time so she doesn’t feel like an only child.  It’s so rare that they are nice to her, that the other day she came running in to tell me that they had BOTH been really nice to her, and that she was SO happy.  She even asked one of them why he’d been nice to her four days in a row.  I have made a point to let them both know how she feels, so they might begin to realise what impact they have on their sister’s feelings, and how easy it is to earn her adoration and make her feel wonderful.  It takes such a small effort on their part to be nice to her, I hope they think twice about it and change their behaviour towards her.

As I say often to my daughter, just wait until you’re 15 years old.  Your 22-year-old brothers will be VERY interested in you and your girlfriends, and probably fighting to drive you everywhere and even chaperone you to parties.   Bring it on I say!

You can read more about Sister of a Man-Child here:  A Princess Tale

 

Sometimes you just have to say NO! May 4, 2012

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roadAs you know we now have two learner drivers in the house. The upside – we got “chauffeured” to a school function the other evening – one drove us there, one drove us home. And we didn’t have to worry about nudging 0.05. (Don’t worry, I’m pretty certain you can’t be over the limit if you’re supervising the said learner driver, but you get my point – it’s the difference between relaxing over a glass or two of wine versus drinking water all night because you’re so paranoid you’ll get breathalysed on the way home).

The downside of learner drivers is when one of them asks if he can drive to Queensland with his girlfriend and her older brother in the July school holidays? Yes, the very same Man-Child who has the incredible sum of two hours driving practice currently under his belt (and in his log book). I am not giving any of you points for guessing what the response was, because it was an immediate “absolutely NOT” kind of response that should have ended the conversation right then and there. But alas, it was our Man-Child who won’t ever take NO for an answer. The one who just goes on and on at you in the hope you’ll just give in. But as you know, I’d sooner throw a cask of wine at him than give in. (If you don’t know that story, you can read it here for your own amusement).

Now please don’t get me wrong, we’re not averse to our son having a holiday in Queensland with his girlfriend and the older 30-something brother, but he seemed shocked that we would want ANY detail at all? For example, where in Queensland would you stay? (Last time I checked it’s a mighty large state!) Does the brother work? Will he be on holidays with you or working every day? Who else is going? What does he do for a job? (Okay, maybe a little nosy, but we don’t know him at all, so it’s a fair question). Who does he live with? (I can’t help but have visions of a group of bong smoking, tequila-drinking boys playing cards).

My son was affronted by my questions, and couldn’t understand why I didn’t automatically trust an older brother. Simple I said – because he’s not a PARENT!!! And that changes everything in my book, fairly or not.  And so the conversation went around and around. Can I go by car to Queensland but only as a passenger? NO. Especially since his girlfriend who doesn’t even have her Learner’s permit yet was proposing to test her driving skills (using that term very loosely) on the way to Queensland.

I have done the Queensland drive more than I’d prefer to remember. My scariest memory is leaving the road travelling at 100kmh with a mate (who was driving) and hitting the grass paddock roadside – it could have ended a very different story if there’d been trees trust me. Or with my father driving years ago and the car just missing the semi trailer coming in the opposite direction, who didn’t have his headlights on at dusk as we overtook another car. I think my father nearly had heart failure when he realised what we’d just avoided!!!

So yet again, the wisdom of the parent is lost on the child. I think we’ve made our position clear for now, but we are often getting the “Now I’m 16 I can do what I want” response on a regular basis. How we deal with that is a whole other blog post best left for another time.

So tell me, are we being too tough? Or paranoid? Should we be worried or not about the driving? Or the unknown older brother? I’d love to know what you think.

 

Gaining life experience from work experience April 27, 2012

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work toolsThe men-children recently completed work experience as part of their school curriculum.  In Year 10, they set aside a week for all the boys to complete a week “working” – for some their first real taste of life outside school in an adult working environment.

Not surprisingly, the experiences were as varied as the 250 boys in the year level, ranging from a week spent with the Melbourne Rebels (cool) to a week spent at the Melbourne Zoo (also cool).   Even our boys selected very diverse options.  One spent the week with a sports management company (largely office based as it turned out), and one spent the week with a builder (largely outdoor based naturally).

I think each of the boys learned a lot about working, and the ups and/or downs of the particular companies they worked for.  The man-child who elected for the sports management job probably thought it would be a lot more glamorous than it was.  He did get one outing at an AFL football club, but the rest of the time was largely spent talking with staff to understand their jobs (basically project management), or helping the girls in the office with the database (the alternative to “filing”).  As I explained to him when he told me about having to spend a few hours “cutting and pasting” one day:  “I also have to do shit like that, and I’m paid a lot more than $10 a day”.  Everyone has grunt stuff to do as part of their job, so for me it was a great lesson about starting at the bottom, and being prepared to roll your sleeves up and get your hands dirty.  I was also at pains to point out that it really is quite difficult to find a meaningful job for someone on work experience for a week, and that he could rest assured when he gets a real job there will be set tasks for him to do and he’ll feel a sense of purpose.

I agreed to drop him off one day and we were chatting about what he’d learned.  He mentioned a discussion by management about the cost for “the cloud”, and then quickly asked me – BTW, what exactly is “the cloud”?  Firstly a very good marketing term, but basically just a bunch of servers where you store all your stuff and pay someone else to worry about its retention, security, retrieval etc.  I was glad he asked, as that’s exactly how you learn.   I also had to laugh the day he rang me from the supermarket to tell me he’d been sent down to buy chips and dips for Friday night drinks (a VERY important job) and to ask me which dips he should choose!  I said you can’t go wrong with Hummus and Tzatziki (and quietly delighted in the fact that he had called his mother to ask). 🙂

In complete contrast to his office-bound brother, our other man-child went off “labouring” with a builder friend.   His turned out to be a great experience, with opportunities to work with multiple “tradies” during the week, coupled with the chance to drive a quad bike and a ute on the large property they were working at.  Teenage heaven!  He also spent a few nights out at the property, and I think really enjoyed the manual work (although he was pretty stuffed by it).  Of course it’s much easier to give someone stuff to carry, dig, cart, etc in this environment, so I have no doubt he felt very “useful” compared to his brother.  However I did also point out to our “labourer” that it wasn’t quite as glamorous as he might think.  I said the “chippies” do the same thing day in, day out.  They don’t get to be a landscaper one day and a carpenter the next.  It’s 365 days a year of hammering timber.

He was also very fortunate to be given advice by said builder about his future career choices.  I was thrilled to learn this and hope our son takes on board the wise counsel of our friend.  He’s very lucky to have someone who cares enough to help.

Post work experience, we learned that next term the boys need to make subject choices for Year 11 (and ultimately Year 12).  WHAT!!  Naturally our thoughts and discussions turned to the challenge this presents, and how hard it is to guide our children in a world that moves so fast, and is a long way from our school leaving some 30 odd years ago.  As someone said, the jobs they may have when they’re 20 probably don’t even exist yet.  And we know they may well have 3 or 4 different career paths in their lifetime.  So we jumped at the chance for any guidance that “experts” can provide our sons and us during this decision process.  We want to be sure they make the best possible choices for themselves, with the knowledge of all the opportunities that are available to them.  And the objectivity that a 3rd party provides when they think their parents don’t know anything can’t hurt either!!!

So hands up who is doing now what they started when they left school?  Have you changed careers, by choice, or by circumstance?  Did you end up doing what you said you wanted to do when you were younger (doctor, nurse, vet)?  Or do you have any tips for us or the boys?   I’d love to hear from you.

PS.  We just endured another round of Parent-Teacher interviews.  It can be a trying experience, especially with one of the men-children.  The Joys (or not) of Parent-Teacher Interviews.