Mother of a Man-Child

A (male) colleague sent me some information the other day that I thought was incredibly accurate.  It was called “Nine words women use” and described perfectly nine phrases often used by women and the real meaning behind each phrase (kindly translated for men).  Naturally I sent it to Father of a Man-Child and also several girlfriends.  It wasn’t until my blogging friend Mother Who Works suggested I share this wisdom with the Men-Children that I thought to publish it for the benefit of an even wider group.

So here you are, a rare but useful insight into women, the words they use, and what they really mean!

NINE WORDS WOMEN USE

1. Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
2. Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means half an hour.  Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
3. Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
4. Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!
5. Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)
6. That’s Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
7. Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you’re welcome. (I want to add in a clause here – This is true, unless she says ‘Thanks a lot’ – that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say ‘you’re welcome’. That will bring on a ‘whatever’).
8. Whatever: Is a woman’s way of saying F– YOU!
9. Don’t worry about it, I’ll do it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing herself. This will later result in a man asking ‘What’s wrong?’ For the woman’s response refer to # 3.

If you find this rings true, feel free to share this wisdom with men and/or men-children you know, to warn them about arguments they can avoid if they remember the terminology.  More than likely they won’t remember it, but like Pavlov’s salivating dogs, they will learn over time what each phrase actually means.

Of course you can also share it with your female friends, who will enjoy a knowing smile, because they recognise just a little bit of themselves in it. :)